What now Lord.....

I've drifted away for the past few months. Not of my own accord but of a road that has been less traveled by. I spent alot of time last year on prayer mountain and taking long walks through my woods, thinking and praying and just spending time listening to the stillness of the moment. Little did I know that my time of peace and growth would lead me into months of a different growth. I've come to question alot of things in the past few months. It all began in April as I accepted the job of my dreams. I was going to be working as a nursing coordinator for a very busy ambulatory surgery center. Life in that moment could not have been brighter. I was walking on cloud nine. Never in my life have I been so excited to get up the next morning to just go do it again. I loved my job, I loved the company I worked for and I loved the staff that worked around me. But only weeks into the job I began to develop some very concerning issues. I first began to notice that when I spoke my words wouldn't come out right or they would slur, with everything in me I tried to cover up the fact that something was really wrong with me. Simple daily tasks began to be very complex for my mind to get around. I just couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong. Then I noticed joint pain that was so diverse that it even traveled to my toe joints, and then the fevers. What could possibly be wrong. I found myself pulling it all together so that I could at least function during the day at work, but only to come home to soak in a hot tub to releave the joint pain and straight to bed. I found myself pushing the world out and away from me. People from church meant well and wanted to help, but I couldn't stand what I was seeing in me let alone let them see me this way. There where days that I begged God to take me home away from the intense joint pain, the intense fatigue and the sickening feeling in my stomach that this wasn't just going to go away. I wanted to lead at work like I knew how to lead, but my mind wasn't crisp enough, I couldn't think anymore. I could only function. I wanted so much to turn to God and to my faith, but then I found when I turned to my bible I couldn't make out the words on the page, not only were they blurring together but they made no sense in this new infected brain of mine. Would I ever be the same. Would I ever get the passion of ministry back. What was happening and WHY! I loved the LORD, I gave my life to serving HIM. How could my energy, my vision, my stamina all be taken from me. How Lord will I serve you then? Many months have sence gone by and each day brings a little glimmer of hope. I begin to see things a little clearer now, but I ask you dear Lord to fill me once again with your spirit. With your passion. With your ability to get it all done. Many roadblocks have seemed to find their way into my path, but deep in my heart I knew there was no hurdle that I could not pass. God had gotten me this far and I knew He just wouldn't leave me here. So today, I pick up some of the small pieces of who I used to be and I begin to gather what pieces God wants me to gather to form the new me-one with a Heart Like HIS. Tear me, make me Lord. I want so much to be like you. I will suffer much but I will also know that at the end, I will stand before an amazing God and I will hear "Well done-Good and Faithful Servant." Just lead the way Lord-but remember the brain's a little slower this time so you may have to do more of the driving this time.

Trail of tears...

As I was talking to Bill today he reminded me that life really does leave a trail of tears. Whether it be good tears or bad tears...life holds an abundance of both. I go through my weeks trying to remain strong to hold myself together for the sake of those that I work with & those around me that need for me to be strong. But yet my heart cries and evening and weekends the tears begin. I did something today that I never thought I would ever do...I went with my mom & dad and helped them pick out a grave stone. Any other time in my life this may have not been so difficult but with the reality of the situation I stood there utterly shocked at the realization of it all. A number of years ago a member of our church had been praying for Bill & I (when we were in the depths of ministry leadership) she had wrote a note to us on a piece of paper that had said that as she was praying for us she heard Isaiah 53:10-11....the will of the Lord will prosper in his hands. After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. I keep this note tucked away in our bible and I run it across it from time to time. Yesterday morning as I made my hour commute to work...I just shut down the radio and began to beg God to get us through this. I begged Him to give us strength that we could not find on our own, but only a strength that He could provide. As I was praying I heard clear as day "you will see the light of life...after the suffering of your soul." I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. As many of you know Isaiah is one of my favorite books in the bible...as I was studying I ran across Isaiah 40:4 Every valley shall be raised up every moutain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed. I believe that....I believe that every valley in our life does eventually level out & every mountain that we climb has a majestic peak and that all the rough ground that we have travelled leads us to the beautiful plains. AND IN ALL THINGS GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED. This trail we travel in life does leave many tears but we can be assured that we never travel it alone. He catches every tear...cupped in His hands.

The Journey Home....

The journey home...not much thought goes into the limited number of days we have ahead. Most of us get up everyday...go to our jobs, give our best efforts to run home and spend even more time meeting the demands of a household and things that need to be done. The reality of how short our journey really is hit me this week. I write this through alot of pain and alot of tears. The words are blurry as I write. But yet I have this sense of peace that is indescribable. This past week my mother was diagnosed with inoperable adenocarcinoma of the pancreas. As we sat with the doctor and I watched as he spoke so gently to my mother (the very same woman that bandaged all of my wounds as a child, that held me when I had my first broken heart as a teenager, that has walked every journey with me through life-good and bad) tell her that she only had 6-12 months to live and there was nothing they could do. I felt this overwhelming sense of numbness. How was I going to go on without the voice of my mother on the other end of the phone. How was I going to sit in church every Sunday knowing that she wasn't sitting there beside me. How was my dad going to go on knowing that the love of his life wasn't there beside him. How we view life so differently when we have been told it is now going to be brief. The things that seem to matter so much before seem so trivial right now. I wish there was some way I could describe to you the roller coaster of emotions that are running through my head. On one hand I am so excited for her. As she comes face to face with Jesus, I can only imagine the joy that her heart will feel, the beauty that will surround her and the family and friends that have gone before her awaiting her arrival. John talks about what he saw in Revelation about Heaven and its majestic beauty.

Revelation 21:13 It shown with the glory of God and its brillance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. vs 18 The wall was made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. 22:1 Then the angel showed be the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God.

I'm thinking that John couldn't even begin to describe its beauty because it is so far from our comprehension of beautiful. But as I see the love a daughter has for her mother and the love a mother has for her daughter. I think I get a glimpse of what heaven must be like.

Lord help us in these troubling times. Help us in the days that our hearts break for what we are losing but you are gaining. Help us to understand and see your excitement of her homecoming. I know that you Lord are preparing her a place right now. Your word tells me that you prepare a place for all of us. Bless us Lord in what we have left here with her. Fill us with the happy memories of the life that we got to share with her. You are so good Lord and I thank you for my mother. The very precious one that you hand picked just for me. THANK YOU LORD.

The Call.....

I've taken awhile to write this because I struggle just as much with this as the next guy. As Christians we attend church on Sunday morning feel empowered by the message but yet fail as Christians throughout the week. In Matthew 16:24 Jesus said that "If anyone would come after me, HE MUST deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." If he really is Lord of my life wouldn't I give him ALL of my life. Many...almost all of the disciples died in service to Jesus. As I thought about what it is that holds us back it came kind of as a revolution that we are so afraid that God will call us and that the accountability to that calling will literally consume us and we will "die" to self. I wondered why we don't spend more time in scripture...is it because the more time we spend in the word we realize that All that God called were stretched beyond themselves and were asked by God to do things that we can't even fathom being asked to do. As we read His word we see that our purposes and our plans become so small to what He really has laid out for us. I had went to bed the other night at the usual time but as many times before I suddenly became wide awake. I came out to the couch grabbed my bible and opened to 1 John 2:20 "But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it. If you do a word study on anointing...it means chosen ones of God. We that have Jesus..have been anointed. He has chose us and we do know the truth. Also, as I was studying I came across Hebrews 10:38 "But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." Guess that holds us pretty accountable as Christ-followers to not only read His word but to live the word. What will we do with the calling upon our life? Will we continue to run from it or will we embrace by faith and allow God to do His will through us?

I Did Not Die On A Cross...For you to live a mediocre life!

Wow, did I struggle with what to use as the title to this blog entry. I saw a couple of things. One being the tight clenched fists of somebody trying desperately to hold on to something....for me....the ability to let go of my fear. But then I also saw the image of Christ hanging on the Cross and I heard him say....I DID NOT DIE ON A CROSS....FOR YOU TO LIVE A MEDIOCRE LIFE!! Forgive me Lord. Forgive me for so many times laying my doubts, my fears, my shortcomings at the foot of your cross...only to shortly return to pick them back up. We are so comfortable with what we know....yet what do we really know? Do I know what tomorrow really holds, what about next week, what about next month......what about a year from now? God is really stretching us right now as a family. He is reminding us that we really don't need to know....because HE knows. I so often play in my mind the "what if's" and then what's. Beth Moore taught in her study yesterday that Satan loves to use our "what if's" against us. He has no other leverage then the leverage we allow him to take. What if my child doesn't return home tomorrow, what if this is the last time I see my husband, what if I don't get that job that we so desperately need.....then What? God keeps asking....then what? I love Beth's answer because it so echoes mine. What if God!! What if.....then I....I would just fall apart. I don't know that I could get up. (God says...then what), well I would just lay in the floor and cry (then what), well I guess I would just have to lay there with my bible over my head (then what) well I guess I would have to get into your word for my strength (then what) OK Lord....then I would have to just get up and start ministering again. But Lord I don't know that I am strong enough. But I know that you use our weaknesses to show your strength.

I struggled with the title because I really saw "Gripped in Fear." I don't want to be afraid. I know that you are good and your love for me never wains for a minute. I know that I can trust that your plan is good even if its not the plan that I would have chosen. But it would be a lie for me to say that I'm not afraid of the future. Your word tells us over and over and over again to not fear..."Do not be afraid." I wonder why you said it so much. It makes me realize I'm not alone in my fear. That of all the things you repeated...this one was repeated the most. WHY?? Why when you have shown yourself time and time again to be faithful and true, do we question or doubt that you will carry us through the next challenge in our life? Help me to loosen my grip on Fear and instead of my fists being clenched may my hands be held out.....ready to receive your blessing. How could I ever think that I would even be able to accept it with my hands held tight in fists. My hands can only receive when they are open to receive. I am going to move forward knowing that you didn't hang on that cross in vain. WE.....WE were created for SUCH A TIME AS THIS. May NO fear stand in the way of the purpose that you have created me for.

Watchman....

Gosh, I wanted to avoid this post like the plague. I can't believe a week has gone by since my last post. Where is the time going and why is it going so fast. I had to change my weekly post on the bathroom mirror. Each week I try to write something on our mirror that will be ever in our presence throughout the week. Reminding us of His power and His authority in our lives. Today's will be as simple as "Urgency." I keep hearing God say the time is urgent. It's been about 3 months ago now. I was trying to make sense of some of the scriptures I had heard at various times in my day. They were'nt scriptures that I was randomly thinking about. But in the midst of my daily activities I heard them clear as day. ALL of them are talking about end times events. Something no one wants to hear about let alone hear from God. My thoughts are/were why do you keep giving me these? Why do you keep leading me in this way? What purpose do I have in that? After talking to a friend and mentioning this she began praying for me. Ironically she said that she felt like God was saying I was to be a watchman. I'm sorry to say that I took her comment with a grain of salt. Didn't really think much more about it. Like what was a "watchman" supposed to mean anyway? But God in his sense of humor or perhaps in his sense of urgency, started leading me to all kinds of scriptures with watchman. Trust me I wasn't looking for them. I was laying in bed one night and I heard Ezekiel 33. Of course out of my curiosity I got up and opened my bible to Ezekiel 33, only to find that it is all about the watchman. And how the watchman will be held accountable if they do not do what God asks of them. YIKES. And then this sunday, please forgive me Tim. But as Tim was preaching out of John 10 he always gives us some context to go with the scripture that he is focusing on. As he began to read John 10 he got to verse 2 & 3 "The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice." That last verse jumped off the pages at me. I have read John time and time again. WHY had I never seen watchman before? Why now? I do feel His urgency, but really don't feel equipped to manage the call. In our flesh we are so afraid of being wrong that it often keeps us from stepping out and doing what God has asked. As I was doing my study in Esther for class this week. I read in chapter 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place BUT you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Nothing in me wants to be the fool. But everything in me says I have less to lose by being faithful to what I am hearing. Ezekiel 33: 6 "But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of ONE OF THEM that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood." I know that all God is asking me is to be the watchman to stand at the gate and OPEN the gate for Him to enter. There are so many lives at stake, their all dying from deadly diseases, cancer, AID's, strokes, heart attacks and viruses. And me being the medical person that I am seek to save their lives from all their medical issues. BUT yet there is a world dying without HOPE and yet I do nothing? Why do I fear rejection for merely trying to save their eternal life but have no qualms about saving their physical life? Help me Lord, I fail you so much. Speak....your servant is listening.

Ninty Nine Percent...

I was shocked...no, more amazed...perhaps appauled, at what I heard the other day. Ninty-nine percent of people polled when given the option of staying here or going to heaven, right now....said, they would chose to stay here! WHAT? Now, I am a nurse. I have dedicated my life to the betterment of others lives. And in that.... my duty, my obligation is to at all cost save your life, unless you have a document that specifically prohibts me from doing such. My worse fear came true, about a year ago. One of my favorite patients whom I had taken care of numerous times had told me of being ready to go home. As a matter of fact I was there as he filled out his living will instructing us to NOT bring him back to this world in event that his heart would stop. I had grown quite close to him, he had just turned ninty and he was a very young an energetic ninty, always so appreciative of his nurse help, always with a warm smile and something pleasant to say. I had learned in our many conversations that he and my grandfather had been playmates as children. Which made my connection with him ever more close. So you can imagine my horror when the ER calls a code one night. My shift was actually getting ready to end. I volunteered to go down and assist in the code. Most of you that have never been in a situation where someones heart stops and we begin resuscitation don't know that the abdomen often blows up very large due to our ventilations, the head and face can become so blue to purple the person is often unrecognizable. As a matter of fact in the rush of the moment and doing what comes natural I hadn't even noticed WHO we were actually working on. As someone in the ER says his name.....my hearts jumps in my chest....and I begin to tell them to STOP. He did not want this, he wanted to go peacefully into his saviors arms, he didn't want someone sticking tubes down him, beating on his chest, shocking him and sticking him with needles. NO ONE would stop. They wanted to see his paperwork saying such. I was horrified that this man I assured would not have to go through this was now being put through literal HELL. Finally one of his sons arrived and was able to get them to stop. Why do we fight so hard for this life? Why do we place SO much value on our earthly life? Do we fail to see...this is not what we were created for. We were created for relationship with God. We were created to dwell someday with him in paradise. Revelation 21 & 22 "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God. The wall was made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain. Everything will be made new." Does this really sound like something that we are willing to sacrifice for THIS life. Is this life of so much value to us that we will continue on with our pain, our suffering, our tears, our hardships, our days of uncertainty. I have a living will. I am only 38 years old. My nurse friends struggle with my decision. But I ask them, "if I was leaving for Jamaica tomorrow, would you try and stop me?," over and over again they say "No, way." I say to them "I am going to a place that is Jamaica TEN times over, don't stop me." Oh the day that I get to walk down those streets of gold and I get to gaze with wonder at water so clear that you have to touch it to make sure that it is even there. Don't get me wrong. I value what life God has given me here. I find such beauty in the things He has shown me thus far....but this life is not something that I cling to. On the day that I go home, I truly expect a party from those that I have left behind. If only I could give them just a glimpse of what I will be seeing. Oh what a glorious day that will be. I guess you could count me in the 1%.

Accountability as a Shepherd....

Don't usually post an image this large, but in order to see the fine detail of a single lost sheep, you almost have to look very close to see it. As I was studying yesterday my studies somehow led me to Ezekiel 33... Ezekiel 33 holds us very accountable as shepherds. I think we all would like to think that only our pastors will be held accountable as a shepherd....but in all reality as a Christ-follower we all have been appointed to shepherd the flock (the lost). And we too will be held accountable for what we do or do not...do. Ezekiel 34 says "woe to the Shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock?" It goes on to say in vs 5 "so they were scattered because there was no shepherd." As we see the signs of the times surrounding us, we should be ever more aggressive in tending to the sheep, but it seems the average church today fails so much in doing so. The verses in between are to convicting to us. Ezekiel 34: 3-4 says..."You eat the curds, clothe yourself with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally." The average church is so good at turning away the lost. I heard somewhere the other day that Ghandi actually had made a decision to turn his life over to Christianity from Buddhism but on the very night that he was going to do such....he entered the church ready to listen to the message and meet with the pastor after the service...but upon his entering the front door he was immediately informed that he was not welcome there because of his faith. WHAT did they know of his faith? They only knew what they assumed and by their assumption...Ghandi never came to a relationship with Christ. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that believes in the fact that we are all sinners saved by grace. We have nothing to offer but everything to give. We welcome those that have fallen, as we have been flat on our faces before...we know that pain too well. We embrace the brokenhearted...as our hearts to have been broken. We do not seek out an individuals sin....as it is not ours to judge, we embrace them for who they are in Christ...a sheep without a shepherd. As we go out today, may we see the urgency in the world, may we see the signs and may we not just see people may we see sheep....lost sheep looking for a shepherd. May we lead those very sheep to the rest of the flock. We will be held accountable for all the ones that we lose along the way. Help me Lord to see the sheep that you send my way.

How Great Is Our God!

After much discouragement about work situations and lack there of. I knew I had to give it over to God and get out of His way. He reminded me that his plan was to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. But I didn't see the picture that He was seeing. If only we could stand where He stands and see things unfold as He had planned. He takes us to the end of our means and then says...."Are you now ready for me to take over?" On Friday evening before we went to bed I had wrote in red lipstick on our bathroom mirror..."How Great Is Our God!" I wanted Him to know that despite what seemed like a desperate situation in our lives that I would continue to praise Him in the storm. After writing that we went to bed. For some reason I didn't go right to sleep and at 10:30 that very same night the first of many phone calls came in. And thus has begun over 50 hours of work since Saturday morning alone. It was Tuesday morning I believe when the hospital called yet again and asked me to come in and work. I stepped out of the shower to have Bill standing there pointing at the mirror saying, "you wrote that right, NOW, How Great Is Your God." He laughed as he said maybe you should have left off the exclamation point. I am so blessed by our God. He is Great....He has already done so much in our lives and so much in the lives of our family, that He could have done nothing more and I would still continue to praise Him. James 1 says to "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perservance must finish its work so that you may be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything. But James also goes on to say that we must believe when we ask and not doubt. I never doubted that God would provide.....but I just didn't know His timing and the blessings of His gift. The next years won't be easy in the world that we are now living in....but we need to hold strong in our faith and not lose heart. We indeed have a GREAT GOD!

A Royal Wedding.....

Its the anticipation of every woman....the day that she walks down the isle to the man she has waited her whole life for. The man that promises her, his devoted love. The day has long been awaited. Preparations have been taking place for months, the bride wants her bridegroom to never forget the essence of her beauty as the doors open and he takes his first look at his future wife. All stand and for that moment she has escaped into a fairy tale, as she walks that isle it couldn't be long enough for her to savor the moment or short enough for her to arrive there with him. Her bridegroom he so eloquent, he is a picture of perfection. In her eyes he is all that matters and all that exists.....for that moment.

We are that bride......Christ is the bridegroom. He has gone before us to prepare the wedding feast. I think of the day that he calls his bride home. I wonder how long that isle will be, will the rose petals be so thick that you can't even see the floor beneath them. Will the scent of roses fill the air. Will the music be BOLD, yet beautiful. Will there be resounding trumpets announcing the arrival of the bride to meet her bridegroom. He came as a servant and yet He still receives us with a servant heart. He doesn't make the wedding about Him.....He stands in silence at the end of the isle awaiting His lovely bride. He shows off the beauty of her grace that only He could provide, He shows off the brilliance of life in her....as only He could place there.

The feast has yet to begin....the wedding has yet to take place....but the bridegroom awaits. And the day will be the most beautiful wedding story ever told.

Accountablility....

Tim's message this morning really had me thinking. Point three in his "Put Me in Coach," series spoke of "our" accountability for our redemptive potential. God has a plan for each of our lives......a purpose if you will. We will be held accountable for the "purpose" or the "gift" that God has given us. I heard a pastor once say that he was so glad that God doesn't still speak in an audible voice. Can you imagine the accountability we would have in that. In Judges 6 God sends an angel to deliver His word to Gideon. The angel told Gideon, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." But Gideon said to the angel "if the Lord is with us, then why has all this happened to us?" The Lord then said to him to "go in the strength that you have, Am I not sending you!" Again Gideon questions God and the Lord told him "I will be with you."

We live in a tough world today....everything around us seems out of control. I find it hard some days to maintain focus...to NOT be conformed to this world....but be transformed by it. Romans 12. I think this is a crucial time to for Christ followers to draw close to God, to be in His word with more depth and more breadth. To ask.....and then take time to listen. His voice may not be audible....but I still hear it, I still feel it. And though everything else seems to be in chaos I know that He has it all worked out. I was listening to a pastor the other day that posed the question. What are you afraid of?.........The worst thing that could happen in your life is you could die. Or maybe that's not even the worst.....maybe that will be the best thing....heaven awaits us. So what are we worried about. And what substantiates our worry.

Now just in God's conversation with Gideon alone, I think I would have fell flat on my face. Wouldn't we all die to hear an audible word from our Lord. We wouldn't have to question whether it was him or whether it was us. We wouldn't wonder what His will was. HE SPOKE IT!!! They had no doubt what God wanted to accomplish in and through them. Now we have to have faith in what God is telling us. Why did they question God.....for Pete's sake.....there's an angel standing before them. What were they thinking......or what were they NOT thinking. I think that would hold me pretty accountable. Yet we are no less accountable today. But Lord I could sure use an angel.....if you got one to spare.

You Are My Strong Tower.....

It's been a rather down week for the past few weeks for me. Never in my career have I ever had trouble finding work. I have put in over 15 applications. And I seem to get no answers, or I hear we are working on it. Something that looks promising turns into a week of back and forth phone calls, that seems to have gotten me no further than when I first began. I find myself wandering how this will all work. I have to keep reminding myself that God works for the good of those who love him. I know He has a plan for me.....but our fleshly patience begins to wear thin. I continue to praise Him in this storm and I know that He has never abandoned me nor forsaken me. I know that his plan is to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. And that even when I don't see it He is working all around me. I see the stress of me not working is placing on my husband and his need to provide for his family and knowing that I can't lift this load. I keep laying it down at Jesus feet, but soon pick it back up again as fear and doubt creep back in. Lord help me. I do believe. I do trust that you will provide, help me to lay it at your feet and leave it there. I have no other choice. You Lord are my strong tower, even in these storms of life.

The Fragrance of a Father...

I remember having this dream....its been years ago now, but in my dream I was walking through fields of fragrant flowers. The colors were the most vivid colors I had ever seen. Each species of flower were in fields of there own....yellows, reds, vibrant purple and blues. It was as though I had just entered heaven. It was one of those dreams that was so peaceful, so breathtaking that you never wanted to wake up from. Fragrance does something to the senses. They say that our minds remember more from our sense of smell than any other sense that we have. I believe that. I think about some of my most favorite smells and the memories that they conjure up in me. Like the smell of my grandfathers pipe as I entered their house. The smell of fresh cut grass after a heavy dew. The smell of rain before it even begins. The smell of my husband as I hug him. I think that one really touches me the most, as it is the first thing that Morgan and I do when he gets home from work at night. We both give him a hug and his scent lingers. I recall my husband wrapping me in his arms one day and began to inhale deeply with his nose pressed to my neck. Of all the things that he has done in our marriage....for some reason this has meant the most to me. It was one of those inhalations that said I don't ever want to forget how you smell and I want to inhale so deeply so that your memory will linger forever. I wonder about heaven, what will it smell like, what will God smell like. In my imagination I think it will be much like that moment with my husband. I think that I will inhale so deeply that his scent will become so much a part of me. I can only imagine that His fragrance will be greater than any field of flowers, any fresh rain or any of my favorite smells.

God and GPS.....

You ever thought about God being alot like our GPS units. I wander what we ever did without it. Oh, yes....I remember now, it was called a map. Putting a finger here and putting a finger there and then figuring out the most appropriate route to get from point A to point B. Now everywhere we travel we have this obnoxious woman telling us to turn right here, or turn left. Sometimes I even wonder if she really has a clue at where she is taking us and how to get us there. I wonder how Gods GPS would look or what voice would he use. Maybe He would use the real cool british accent guy telling us to take the next right and take the motorway....doubtful though. Just like our GPS.....God has planned out our trip long before we even dreamt of taking one. Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Can you imagine the global positioning system that God has. He knew me before I was even born, He had plans for me even before He formed me. I can see a military strategy board and my peg is up there somewhere marked on a specific spot, for a specific moment, assigned to a specific task. My task if I accept to take it is to focus in on what God is telling me and the route that I should take to accomplish this task. Scripture tells us not to turn to the left or turn to the right. But so many times....I don't know about you...but I get afraid of taking any step just in case it happens to veer one way or another. Lord keep me on the right path . Now where is that lady telling me which way to go again. Maybe she's not so obnoxious after all...

Searching for Life In All The Wrong Places...

I find it funny how you can go into a book store and find isles and isles of self-help books. Books on how to find your life, how to keep your life, what direction to take with your life....and the list goes on and on. People pay counselors, psychiatrists, buy magazines...all searching for the purpose that they feel but can't seem to find. When the whole time scripture is choked full of EXACTLY God's plan for our lives. I think it is so amazing that I can read scripture and a certain scripture just jump off the page at me, but may not mean anything to someone else. I think the reason for that is that my calling...my purpose, is so different than yours. A scripture that speaks into your life may mean little to me. God has wrote a book that give direction to ALL. I wonder if people really new that their answers to all of life's questions were buried in their back yard wouldn't they stop everything they were doing, get out their shovel and start digging with such anticipation of what they would find....that nothing could stop them. Yet....we have that treasure. Our story is embedded in a book. It does require some digging...but when you find it....its like striking gold. It's better than any material wealth can provide. I am so excited to dig in and find more of my story wrote along side the great cloud of witnesses that have went before me.

Limited Perspective....

This morning was one of those epiphany moments. Waking up with a bad headache and sore throat I opted for the tylenol and an ice pack to head back to bed. I hate missing church...to me its like attempting to drive through the week on a tank thats half filled. So as I lay in bed I decide to try to find a service on the television that I can still get a message for this morning. Much to my surprise God gave me a message that wasn't delivered by any pastor, nor by any worship....as a matter of fact in spite of preaching and music. As I began to watch this church service I felt this overwhelming since of the fact that we do church....but do we really do church. WHAT? As I watched people worshiping, the pastor preaching and all the things of a typical sunday morning, I wandered what our weeks look like. We attend Church on Sunday, but what about the rest of our week. I felt this overwhelming since of the disciples giving up everything that they knew as real.....jobs, homes, families...to go OUT to the world preaching, teaching and baptizing in the name of Jesus. What are we doing during a typical week-in the name of Jesus. Most of us are tending to the everyday tasks of jobs, homemakers, husbands, wives, moms and dads. If we're doing church than why is there so many wandering around today looking for more. If we are living our faith why aren't they beating down our doors to ask us about what we have that they don't. Obviously, they aren't seeing much different in us than they see in themselves. I can tell somebody I go to church....but I would rather they look at me and say "there's just something different" and I want them to desire what I have. But I fail. I do church.....but all too often I fail to DO CHURCH. Lord, help me with my limited perspective. Help me to live everyday with a hope that only comes from you, a joy that only you can provide, a love that sees beyond my vision.....help me to live as if you really called me...because you have. Forgive my limited perspective.

May I Be Your Servant....

Lord...you call us to be servants, but the world wants to teach us anything but servanthood. We live in an all about me society. We are inundated with television, billboards, magazines, books that tell us that if its not about us that something has went strangely array. We slowly start to fade away from our calling into a world that slowly sucks the life out of us. It's time as Christ.-followers to stand up for the victory that has already been won. He calls us not because of our abilities...but despite our abilities. He is essentially saying that "You can be strong and courageous because I am with you. Victory isn't about your abilities, your strength, your skill, your armor, your gifts, or your dedication: it has to do with my presence. You can be strong, BECAUSE I will be strong in you." I know that in a world of uncertainty I find solice in the fact that I am not able to fulfill His calling....but he is able to complete His calling in and through me...through His ability not mine. We see all of our flaws, all of our weaknesses....but He sees what He has created us to be. I wish I could see the same picture of me that He sees. For He sees me so different than I do. I see a heart that wants to be used, a heart that wants so much to make him proud....He sees a heart that He is already proud of...and I didn't even have to do anything to earn it. Genesis 1:31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. I find so much joy in the fact that everything that He created he spoke into existence....but Genesis 2: 7 "the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life." Do we comprehend that? Do we comprehend that everything else God spoke into existence, but when it came to man, He formed us, sculpting us and then He breathed the breath of life into us. To me that says that He touched me and then his lips touched mine as they breathed the breath of life into me. I have been created for such a time as this. He has called me to serve and I will rise to the call.

So Are The Days of Our Lives...

Gosh, who could forget that old soap opera, Days of Our Lives. Perhaps its still on, and Bo Brady and Roman Brady are still confused about who they are. Isn't it funny how you can watch a soap opera and not see it for years and you turn it on again and the same things are happening today that happened 5, 10 even 20 years ago. Life seems to be alot like that. I wonder if its because we didn't get the lesson learned the first time around. I read scripture and I find it interesting to read that what is happening today, happened back in biblical times. Life just seems to go through the same processes over and over again. We live, we learn, we don't learn so we do it again until we do learn. So are the days of our lives. Our days are numbered...our time to make an impact for the name of Jesus draws shorter with each passing day. I think that we all should have a slow moving hourglass to see everyday....so that we get a constant reminder that time is running out. And what are we doing with that precious gift of time.

Lord Help Us.....

In Daniel 10, Daniel had a vision and in this vision "A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. He said, 'Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you." And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling. Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard and I have come in response to them.

It's the next part of that story that really had me thinking. It goes on to say "But" the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. It took twenty-one days of spiritual warfare for the angel to get to Daniel after his plea for help. Do you know that "plea or plead" is mentioned 12 times alone in the book of Daniel. And that there are only 12 chapters in the book of Daniel.

We fail to see the war that is being waged because of our prayers....and once our prayers are answered we soon forget the answerer of our prayers. I'm reminded of a similiar story in 2 Kings 6, where Elisha and his servant are surrounded by an army. As the servant panics, Elisha is calm and says to the servant, "don't be afraid, those that are with us are more than those who are with them." Just to give you the gest of the story.....it was only Elisha and his servant....as far as the servant knew. But because of Elisha's faith and prayers, God had sent an army that filled the hills with horses and chariots. And Elisha prayed to God that the eyes of his servant be open, so that he may see. And when the Lord opened the servants eyes....he saw that the army of the Lord was far greater than the number that had surrounded them.

We see a world that seems to be outnumbered by an army of terroists, economic failures, political corruption, and uncertainties......but yet I think we fail to see the vast army that God has sent to fight for his believers. Open our eyes Lord...help us to see.

He Must Become Greater....

He must become greater, I must become less. That was from John the Baptist, after the
disciples came to him in confusion about Jesus baptizing. John recognized that we must become less for Jesus to become more. That reminded me of Jesus teaching to the disciples saying "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." In both teachings Jesus was saying...that we...we must become less....so He can become more. The innocence of a child is so mesmerizing. I don't think I noticed it as much when our own daughter was little, but I notice more as I get older. I think the busyness of being a parent sometimes blinds us to the beauty of such. I remember my own little one, crawling into bed with me when she was not yet 3, I was still asleep when she peels open my eyelid with her little fingers....she looks as close as a 3 year old can...and says "are you in there mommy." The sleepliness of the moment soon left me as I began to laugh.... "Are you in there?" I've never forgotten that moment. I wish those moments were here again. What things would I change? Would I have seen less of me and more of her? I wonder does God sometimes crawl into bed with us peeling back our eyelids asking...."Am I in there?" May I become less.....so that you may become more. And when you peel back my eyelid....may you never have to ask "Am I in there?".....may you see yourself in my eyes.

Lord If It's You.......

Matthew 14:28 Lord, if its you.....tell me to come to you on the water. And Jesus said "Come." Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. BUT when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, cried out "Lord, save me." Why is it that we question God's ability in our life, why do we question IF it is God. Notice that Peter said "if" its you. Now...I'm thinking...who else would be walking on water?? If I were out in a boat somewhere today and somebody was walking towards me on the water....I'm thinking that I wouldn't even be questioning who it was, let alone whether I could walk out to Him if He called me. I think that I would be bailing out of the boat before He even called me to "come." But doesn't He do that every day. He calls us to get out of the boat, to trust Him that what He calls us to do, is obviously not something that we could do of ourselves. But only through His calling. The reason He called Peter out wasn't to show how powerful He was....it was for Peter.....it was to test his faith in what the Lord said he could do. "Peter....come to me." But Peter lost focus and he began to sink as he took his focus off the Lord. And the Lord said "you of little faith...why did you doubt me?" I think about the many times God has called me out of that boat. At first I am so focused on Him, but soon the winds of doubt blow and I begin to sink. But He never lets me sink to far....before he holds out His hand to pull me back up. Help me Lord to have faith....that even when I get distracted by life...that you're hand is there to pull me back up again. Lord I want to walk to you.....help me to focus Lord.

Gods Significance.....Our Insignificance

What a message this morning. I have heard Louie Giglio speak numerous times and every time it is like hearing him for the first time over and over again. I think the thing I took most out of Louie's message was our insignificance....really...we are truly insignificant in this vast world that God spoke into existence. And even more profound to me was that by HIS breath then the stars were formed. BY HIS BREATH. What power, what majesty. That even his breath could create such beauty. The thought had occured to me this past week as we were preparing for the womens conference that God really doesn't need us.......He desires us.....He desires for us to participate with Him in his work....but He doesn't need us. If we are unwilling to carry out the mission that He has gifted to us, we are the ones that miss out...not Him. He will use someone else to accomplish His plan. Do we really believe that if we refuse to carry out His plans, that his plans will just be twarted....Psalms 103:15-16 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. I remember so well the day of my grandfathers funeral. My grandfather was a true man of God...humble and gentle. I never once heard my grandfather raise his voice or say a bad word about anyone. His nature was that of a true servant....but on the day of his funeral...as that hearse pulled out of the church parking lot, I fully expected the world to stand still for this man. Did they not know who he was. What influence he had in his life....at least in my life. As the world continued on....I realized that our influence as limited as it is, is still insignificant to the world as a whole. Todays message gave me an even greater awareness that we are simply a speck in a world that was spoke into being....we are simply a flower that will soon blow over and be gone. We truly are insignificant in the light of His significance.

It's Here....Amazing Grace

It's finally here!! After months of planning, preparation and implementation the day has finally arrived. Tonight is the opening night for Amazing Grace...the legacy. I am so proud of all the hard work and dedication so many have put in to this event. Many days I felt that God should have chose someone different to lead this group, that I was just really not what He was looking for. This morning I get up to a letter from our daughter, telling me that God choose to use me and that "I was brought here for such a time as this". That's from Esther, I know that line very well, as I hear it alot in my studies. Morgan did not know that. I get very nervous right about now. I am not a public speaker. Not that I am speaking much, but enough for me. I like to be behind the scenes, seeing everyone else rise to their potential. But her letter, gave me the strength to remember....its not I that speaks...but HIM...that speaks through me. We are so blessed to have her in our life. My prayers have already started this morning. It will definately be one of those days that the conversation between Him and I will just be ongoing. The funny thing is though, then when I sit down to do a concentrated prayer, I won't know what to say to Him. Kind of like talking to a friend all day and then sitting down face to face for a conversation. What do we say now. We've talked all day. May your grace overflow tonight father. May this be all of you and none of us. Remove us from the picture. You don't need us. We need you. Bless each woman that attends open their hearts to worship you and accept a word from you. Bless the men that will be there tonight for their service and their support. Help us Lord to serve you....and to serve you well.

Amazing Grace...how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me,

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

Was blind, but now I see...

How precious did that Grace appear, the hour I first believed.

I love you Lord!

Gods.......Opinion?

We say we want to hear from God, we say we want to be in his will....but do our actions speak as loud as our words. I thought about this today. I thought about the first time that God spoke to Samuel in 1 Samuel 3, three different times Samuel hears his name called "Samuel...... Samuel,......Samuel" (vs 4, 6 & 8). All three times Samuel got up and went to his mentor and said "Here I am, you called me," thinking that it was Eli that was calling. All three times Eli denied that it was him, but by the third time Eli realized that it was God calling out to Samuel and directed Samuel to return to his mat and the next time that he heard God call his name...he was to say "Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening." Samuel did as Eli instructed and in vs 10 scripture says that The LORD came and stood there, calling as at other times, Samuel! Samuel! And at this Samuel did as he was instructed and said "Speak, for your servant is listening. AND God spoke!!

We invite him to speak, yet we don't allow him enough time to do so. Don't begin to think that the devils not in the details, the busier he can keep us.....the less time WE have to hear God's voice. And many times we only think to ask God to speak when we only have a question to ask? We want him to speak to our questions, but He wants to speak to our WHOLE lives. God's not into giving his OPINIONS. Do I want his will....or do I want his opinion. Did you notice the humble stature of Samuel, although he was only a boy when God first spoke, Samuel says "your servant," is listening. If we want to get centered in our life its time for us to get out of the center. God's speaking....but are we taking the time to listen? Are we asking as a servant , with a servant's heart...God's still speaking if only we can silence the rest of the noise. In 1 Kings 19 Elijah is running in fear of his life (might I add, right after God showed Himself in the fire on Mount Carmel), Elijah finds himself hiding in a cave. When a great and powerful wind came....but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind was an earthquake....but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake was a fire....but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. A gentle whisper....what if Elijah had not been listening....what if we're not listening? How many winds, earthquakes and fires have already come...followed by the gentle whisper....I have never left you...nor forsaken you.

What Legacy Are You Leaving....

Yes....for those of you that don't know...this is our grandson, Matthan. On the day that he arrived in this world I remember wandering what legacy he would leave. His name is taken from the 1st chapter of Matthew, from the genealogy of Jesus. Joseph the husband of Mary, Jacob the father of Joseph and Matthan the father of Jacob. What a legacy.....we watch as he begins to grow into the man that God created him to be. He's so small now, soon to be 2 and his little life is only beginning. But his story is taking shape already. If only we could turn back the hands of time....if only we could of archived each step of the journey.

We are putting the final touches on the Women's Conference Amazing Grace.....the Legacy for the upcoming weekend. Talks have been prepared and re-arranged by God at the last minute-He seems to be good at that, breakout sessions are completed, decorations prepared, food picked up, budgets complete.....all that goes into planning has now came to an end, but yet its really only the beginning for what God is wanting to accomplish. It began last year shortly after last years conference..we were in a worship service and we were singing Amazing Grace. Morgan looked around and looked at me and said, "that it mom...that's the theme for next year....Amazing Grace," what she noticed as she glanced across the sanctuary was the passion of every generation that was represented singing with all that they had in unison to one song.....a song that has spoken to generation after generation. Thus came the legacy. And what legacy are we leaving to the next generation. What song are we giving them to sing. What do they see in us that they want to pass down to their children and their childrens' children. This generation has so many more hardships to overcome than you and I ever dreamt of. We played in the streets, rode our bikes at night, played until dark, made mud pies, went to school without the worries of abduction, abuse, drugs, gang violence and school shootings.

We will have to fight against a world today....filled with anger, frustration and abandonment to leave a legacy that they will not forget. Few children get the opportunity to receive a legacy worth fighting for. May this be a generation that returns to the Lord. May we be a generation that cries out to the Lord for grace and mercy. May we be a generation that receives the legacy that He has left for us.

What Legacy Are you Leaving?

The Gifts.....

I am so excited.....I love getting gifts. Who doesn't. The holidays are past, its not my birthday, and Valentines isn't even here yet. But yet there are gifts everywhere. What....you don't see them? They are here, but many times we just look right past them, failing to see what is right in front of our eyes, even refusing to take them when they are offered to us. I had read a book once that talked about that very thing. There was a man that stood at the pearly gates of heaven and as he was entering in, he asked Peter, "What is in the big warehouse over there?" Peter says "you can't see that yet." As the tour of heaven began, the man couldn't concentrate on anything else, but what was in that warehouse.....what could God possibly be keeping in such a big building....the mere size of it was unfathomable. As Peter completes his tour the man could not contain his curiousity any longer and began to run to the warehouse, he threw open the door and stood in amazement. There were presents everywhere, stacked from floor to ceiling, row after row after row. He looks at Peter with bewilderment and says "I don't understand, what's with all these presents?" Peter responds to the man, "you were not supposed to see them." The man in confusion begins to wander down the rows, until he notices his name on the tags and as he looks around, they all have his name on the tags. He begins to weep and again looks at Peter and says, "all these are for me?" Peter responds "NO, all these WERE for you, these are the ones that God tried to give you but you failed to receive." At this the man fell to his knees weeping even harder. "How did I not see, how did I not know, why did I not accept all that God wanted to give me."

I think of that story often and its been years since I've read that book. What gifts is God trying to give me today? What will I have missed, if my heart and my mind are not ready to receive. Whose life could have been transformed......maybe even mine, had I stood with my arms open ready to receive what God wanted to give me. God's ready to rain down his blessings...his gifts.... its all in whether we are ready and willing to receive them. I don't want to miss one present, NOT one gift from God. I want to get to Heaven and God say.....you received well....and you gave well. I want to arrive in heaven with all my gifts opened and received. Thank you Lord....for the gifts.

Dark Night of the Soul.....

So much of the Christian walk gets missed. I had attended a conference a number of years ago, on The Art of Hearing God. During our weekend we had a session on the Dark Night of the Soul. As new christians nobody tells us of these dark nights and dark dreary days that will come. It is in those days, those weeks and sometimes even those months that we may dare even say....that God has abandoned us, at least thats what we feel. I experienced that a few years after I began an extensive growing of my faith. I wondered what I had done wrong, was it something I said, was it something I questioned.....or was it just me....did he not want a relationship with me. WHY? The questions went unanswered for months, my prayers seem like they were hitting the ceiling. I heard nothing, I felt nothing....the closeness of the months prior to that had faded into darkness. What was happening. I had heard about it, but like most people I thought it would never happen to me. I felt so discouraged I felt so disappointed...not in him, but in me. Had I failed him. Had he moved on to use someone else. It was in those days that I found it even hard to open my bible, hard to even pray....but somehow through His strength I made it through. I found that my prayers were really heard and that the answered prayers came not when I wanted them, but when He had appointed them for. It's funny how our time line and His are so different, and I thank God for that. I think of some the prayers and had they been answered in the way that I felt they should could have led to much different circumstances in my life. And that I see now how He is using those days in my life, the good, the bad, the dark and the light to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will for my life. Scripture tells us that He will never abandon us, but I wonder if sometimes He doesn't draw back so that we seek Him out more. I see now how my faith in Him has grown through that experience. So when those days come....don't give up...don't quit..I'm sure Jesus felt so similiar as he prayed in the garden...enough so that he sweat drops of blood in His desperate cry for God to hear him....but this.....this to shall pass.

Illumination.....

As I was preparing for the Amazing Grace conference today, I was short a few oil lanterns for the table decor, so I made a quick trip to the antique mall....not really thinking that a trip to the antique mall could make for a God stop today. As I began to pray this evening what God wanted me to write about I heard "your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 I thought about that lamp....and about the many times that we get up in the night and attempt to find our way in the dark.....even the smallest fliker of a flame...can illuminate the way. Isn't God alot like that flame, He often gives us only enough light to take one step at a time. Davids Psalms were choked full of wonder, times of distress and times of praise. God never promised us that it would be easy....He just promises us that we won't do it alone. For me His word is a lamp unto my feet....its like reading that old love letter over and over again. I remember the first time I began to really read the Old Testament...I was so lost...honestly...I was so bored, BUT, then after I came to know and understand the New Testament could I go back and now not only appreciate the Old Testament but hold it so dear to my heart. I SEE now, I was wondering around in the dark, until He illuminated my way. Now I see the prophesies that the prophets foretold. Now...I can read 1st Peter and know that Isaiah had told about some of the very things that Isaiah had prophesied about. I can't tell you the excitement that comes from knowing that the prophets of Old had told of what was yet to come and then to read about it in the New Testament. Most people when asked who they want to talk to when they reach heaven would tell you...one of the disciples..for me...I can't wait to sit down with Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel at the feet of Jesus.

One of the Psalms that has spoken to me the most is Psalm 25:4-5 "Show me the right path, O Lord, point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." As the conference approaches my mind and my thoughts are so focused on the lives of those that will be attending....who needs the light....who needs the flame.....who needs the flicker to be fueled. Lord may we serve you....and may we serve you well. Be glorified...be glorified...be glorified..today.

Life....Like a Box of Chocolates....

A box of chocolates......kind of bittersweet. You know you have to really study each one, of course without touching any of them, when all you really want to do is stick your finger in one just to see whats in there before you take a big bite of that dreaded piece that you just hate. Being the medical field it is not at all uncommon for us to receive a box of chocolates, so this really makes one think.....is life...really, like a box of chocolates, do we ever really know what we're gonna get.

As a Christian the answer is YES. We really do know what's in the middle. If we are true Christ-followers living in faith and not an empty religion than....we know that each chocolate that we take a bite of will be the sweetest chocolate we've ever tasted. There is no doubt in our minds whether we want to try it. We don't have to poke around and wonder whats in the middle we serve the great I AM. The center of the universe. The maker and creator of all things. Yesterday, tomorrow and today. Always...in ALL WAYS.

So the next time you open a box of chocolates.....just remember "Who's" inside not "what's" inside.

Missing Piece.....

Have you ever spent hours constructing a masterpiece of a puzzle to find out that your missing the last piece? I thought about that today, our faith walk is alot like the piece of the puzzle thats missing. You see we think putting all the pieces of our life together to form this pretty completed puzzle is what we are called to do, but then we get to the end and find that we don't have the last piece. We become confused.....wait a minute, I quit swearing, I don't steal, cheat, drink, do drugs and I try my hardest to walk out my faith everyday.....now...where did I put that last piece? It's gotta be around here somewhere. I had all the pieces so neatly put away in the box. The box put neatly on the shelf and I always put it away as soon as I got done with it.

Ezekiel 34:4-5 "This is what the Soverign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do NOT take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered BECAUSE there was NO shepherd."

Perhaps.....that is why I can't find the last piece.....I've been looking in the wrong places. You see the missing piece isn't about us at all....its about them. It's about the lost..We as a body are incomplete without them.

A Fresh Word....

Did I ever mention I hate this time of year.....No...well I do. You see in all of the seasons besides winter, I take a journey to prayer mountain (for those of you that don't know yet, its not a mountain, its our hill in the back 40) on the peak of this hill is a point where the face just seems to fall off, its a straight shot down the hill. The joke is you go out to pray....or you go out to jump. So far we've always came back alive. I've spent many an unclocked hour at prayer mountain, no watches, no cell phones, no electronic devices...don't everyone panic. It is surreal. It is as though you've been plucked from a world that seems to be spinning with activity to a place of complete and utter silence. The only noise is of the wind as it blows through the leaves, animals scurring around the woods and the voice of God. Wow, this is what makes the journey so worth it.....a fresh word....a time of reflection....a time of focus. We don't realize how the world clouds out our focus. Have you ever tried driving in a dense fog......and the road that you once thought you knew all of a sudden becomes new....different.....you begin to notice things that you had never noticed about it before. Why? Because our focus has become limited to the immediate.....to what is right in front of us, it has taken our focus off all the distractions that we would normally be focused on and focused us on the moment at hand. A day at prayer mountain is as good as a day in the fog.....all of a sudden the phone calls that need to be made, the laundry that needs to be done, the daily grind all fades away and the focus is on the only one that matters. Maybe its time for a few hours at the mountain.....

What If Today.....

What if today......was the last day of the rest of your life? How do you really know that it isn't? And what exactly did you do with it? I've heard this said numerous times, one was from a pastor that said a semi in front of him had in big letters on its rear door.....what if today." Just as simple as that. Then turning on the TV today the history channel is having armaggedon week. They had interviewed people on the streets and said, "what would you do different if you knew the world was coming to an end. " DUH! Aren't we getting closer to the end every day, aren't the signs that are happening before our very eyes obvious of just that. But even more surprising were their answers. NONE, said making sure that their lost friends were saved, none of them even said they would make sure their families were saved. Oh, they did say they would spend more time with those families, but in reality what would that time buy them. Although I wasn't surprised to hear that none of them said they would work more hours to stash up more money or material things, I've been at the edge of too many death beds to know that is of no importance when you are taking your last breath. What guarantees our next breath. What guarantees that we have the opportunity to share the hope to which we are called.....tomorrow. What really is tomorrow? I believe God is placing His urgency on the hearts of many right now. I believe that the day is drawing near when we will have to give an account for ourselves and for the gifts that He has given us.....what did we do with those gifts. If your gift is serving......how are you serving, if its prophesying....are you using that in proportion to your faith, if it is teaching.....how are you teaching, if it is encouraging....in what way are you being an encourager, if it is leadership.....this is your time, lead, if it is giving......where are you giving, if is mercy....how are you showing mercy. Rom 12:6-8 I believe the time is at hand for us to be ever so diligent that we are here for a purpose, for a mission.....its time for us to stand up....accept the mission....and go therefore into the world. They need us.....and more important God WANTS them.

Are We Contagious.....

You wouldn't think getting a cold would give you something to blog about. But today Bill and I both woke up with terrible colds so most of the day we've been assigned to our designated couches. Throughout the sneezing and coughing fits, I began to wonder if our faith was as contagious as our cold. Get within 5 ft of either of us and you may go home with something you hadn't anticipated walking away with. Is it the same with our faith, what contagious virus are we giving to people that we encounter. We didn't ask for colds....didn't even anticipate them coming on, but yet here they are. When I meet someone what am I giving them.....more than they anticipated or something more viral. I remember the movie Outbreak, where the whole community became infected with a deadly virus, it spread like wildfire. WHY? Because there was no innoculation, no cure and no treatment for such a viral disease. How's our faith rating on virility.....are we mildly contagious or are we something that can't be iradicated. I want to be highly contagious, I want someone to be within 30 ft of me and feel how viral I am. I want to know that what I have can never be cured, never be innoculated. To the common cold I say thank you.....for the day of reflection.

Perceived Wealth...or Perhaps Misperceived Wealth

Had a great lunch with son David today. He had been in Peoria, Il for a Catepillar meeting so stopped through on his way back to Nasville, Tenn. We got talking about a website that he had shared with us, which showed that statistics are showing that if you make at least one hundred dollars a day that you are wealthier than fifty percent of the global population. We discussed our shock in those statistics and how we fail to see the struggles around us. But more so, how we fail to thank God everyday that we have a warm home, a hot shower, food in our refrigerators and food in our pantries. He had commented about his last pastor Rick Warren who had challenged them to go home and seal their bathrooms off, clean everything out of their pantries, except flour and rice, and to shut off their refrigerators, and to remove their windows and doors and then and only then could we appreciate how many people are living today with so little. Note that I said living. We see all these THINGS as life necessaties, but fail to see what really is truly necessary. We talked about how our employers make us feel that we are at the bottom of the mountain and that it is their goal for us to reach the top, when in all reality compared to the way most people have to survive we really are almost at the top, and don't even see it, because our blessings have been given so freely that we fail to see them. Worst yet, we don't see those that are climbing behind us that have lost their footing and may not make it up the moutain without our help. 2 Corinthians 9:6 says that "whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously, Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. vs 11 goes on to say that "you will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your genersity will result in thanksgiving to God......we are wealthy. Not because of us but because of Him.

What's Your Story....

What's your story......everybodies got a story. As I worked the other day, I couldn't help but wonder about their lives....most of them were in their ninties by now, but they weren't always ninty. What were their lives like....what exciting things had they accomplished in their lives, what story did they have to tell? The aboriginals from Australia make their boys go on a walkabout, because they know that life without a story isn't a life lived. How's our walkabout going? What story do we have to tell. What stories will we be able to tell?

I think that many of our stories are what kept us away from church to begin with. We felt that our sins, our shortcoming....our stories were enough to condemn us. So instead of going we avoided church like the plague. I didn't really think about this until I talked to a co-worker that attended our church for the first time this past sunday. I had the opportunity to share her enthusiasm for what she saw and what she felt from attending. She had commented that she had been in and out of churches but never really felt much. But when she came sunday....it was different. What's her story....probably not much different than yours or mine. A life of desiring and working for more in our life that finally led us to seek out more and find it in the local church.

I read the obituaries and I wonder what their stories were....in older times you didn't have to wonder. They would write that Joe Johnson died today of such things as consumption (no he hadn't been drinking-tuberculosis), dropsy (edema), and apoplexy (stroke) at his home in whereverville, along side of him at the time of his death was his devoted wife Kate, his children played in their rooms and they all had....had a large meal together prior to Joe's dying. I chuckle when I read them. One obituary had said that he just had finished a sandwich before he succumbed. Where have we lost the details of living.....have we forgotten that its the small things in our life that form who we are. It's the little things that can make our story big.....what seemingly insignificant, but yet significant detail will you add to your story today.