I Did Not Die On A Cross...For you to live a mediocre life!

Wow, did I struggle with what to use as the title to this blog entry. I saw a couple of things. One being the tight clenched fists of somebody trying desperately to hold on to something....for me....the ability to let go of my fear. But then I also saw the image of Christ hanging on the Cross and I heard him say....I DID NOT DIE ON A CROSS....FOR YOU TO LIVE A MEDIOCRE LIFE!! Forgive me Lord. Forgive me for so many times laying my doubts, my fears, my shortcomings at the foot of your cross...only to shortly return to pick them back up. We are so comfortable with what we know....yet what do we really know? Do I know what tomorrow really holds, what about next week, what about next month......what about a year from now? God is really stretching us right now as a family. He is reminding us that we really don't need to know....because HE knows. I so often play in my mind the "what if's" and then what's. Beth Moore taught in her study yesterday that Satan loves to use our "what if's" against us. He has no other leverage then the leverage we allow him to take. What if my child doesn't return home tomorrow, what if this is the last time I see my husband, what if I don't get that job that we so desperately need.....then What? God keeps asking....then what? I love Beth's answer because it so echoes mine. What if God!! What if.....then I....I would just fall apart. I don't know that I could get up. (God says...then what), well I would just lay in the floor and cry (then what), well I guess I would just have to lay there with my bible over my head (then what) well I guess I would have to get into your word for my strength (then what) OK Lord....then I would have to just get up and start ministering again. But Lord I don't know that I am strong enough. But I know that you use our weaknesses to show your strength.

I struggled with the title because I really saw "Gripped in Fear." I don't want to be afraid. I know that you are good and your love for me never wains for a minute. I know that I can trust that your plan is good even if its not the plan that I would have chosen. But it would be a lie for me to say that I'm not afraid of the future. Your word tells us over and over and over again to not fear..."Do not be afraid." I wonder why you said it so much. It makes me realize I'm not alone in my fear. That of all the things you repeated...this one was repeated the most. WHY?? Why when you have shown yourself time and time again to be faithful and true, do we question or doubt that you will carry us through the next challenge in our life? Help me to loosen my grip on Fear and instead of my fists being clenched may my hands be held out.....ready to receive your blessing. How could I ever think that I would even be able to accept it with my hands held tight in fists. My hands can only receive when they are open to receive. I am going to move forward knowing that you didn't hang on that cross in vain. WE.....WE were created for SUCH A TIME AS THIS. May NO fear stand in the way of the purpose that you have created me for.