Reflection of Glory

We are called to be reflections of God. Our calling is to strive daily to "take up our cross," actually scripture says that if anyone of us is to follow Christ we must deny ourselves and take up our cross DAILY. I guess I forget this part somedays, I like most people get tied up in the daily grind of life and forget sometimes where I even put that cross. And deny myself.....wow....self sacrifice, who would even hear of self sacrifice in a world where the media and everything around us tells us its all about US. What happened to the days where we would open the door for someone coming after us, or when we get up to the checkout allowing the person with the few items to go on ahead of us. Where and when did we throw self sacrifice out the window. How will the people recognize us as Christ Followers if people can't see the fruit that we bear from our tree. I dare to think that God had an ultimate design for the tree of life, it was to impart wisdom and knowledge. We were the ones that chose to abuse what God had intended to be a gift. As Jesus was teaching His disciples He told them that of all the things they had witnessed him do that "WE" would do greater things yet. Greater things yet.......but we see ourselves as "unworthy" to be used so we succumb to an average Christian life when God has already told us "YOU will do even greater things than I" Jesus. Every person that God used in scripture was an average Joe just like you and I. Jesus accomplished HUGE events that changed history through people just like us. My goal is to be a reflection of the image that I see. And what I see when I see the tree is Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. And when they look into my reflection may they not see a reflection of me.... but may they see Jesus reflected in me.

Sift Me Lord.....Sift Me

I know that I brought about all that we are going through as a family when I sat out at prayer mountain and I asked God to "Sift Me...sift me, as wheat." I thought at the time I knew what I had just asked God to do. I wanted anything that was not of him to be sifted from me. I wanted to be Holy and righteous in His sight. I wanted His will for my life, I wanted to take the right path and not veer to the right or to the left. But what did I just do......little did I know that my whole world would be turned upside down and shaken so that everything that was not of God could be shaken out of me. I have grown so much in the past year. Through all the difficult times that we have traveled in the past year-I held close to my savior...knowing that without Him all would seem lost. No, I didn't know the path nor did God plan on letting me in on where the path was leading. I just trusted Him when He directed me down the path that He has placed me on. Is it a journey that I would have chosen-absolutely not. But what knowledge, what perseverance, what patience, what hope, what joy I have gained through this journey I would choose all over again. During my time at prayer mountain God was really focusing my attention on two key scriptures. Exodus 23:20 "See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. PAY ATTENTION to Him and LISTEN to what he says and do not rebel against him. It was after this time that I continually ran into scripture after scripture about "paying attention and to listen." My journey is not yet over. God is continually sifting me into what He wants me to become. The process is grueling but what good comes of the wheat until it is sifted into a usable flour. 2 Peter 1:19 And we have the word of the prophets made more certain and you will do well to PAY ATTENTION to it as to a light shining in a dark place until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your heart. I'm paying close attention these days. Lord, yes I still want you to sift me.....as painful as it may be. I am willing. I am able. Make me into something usable.

Radical Love

After much thought this morning and through the tears that continue to flow I imagined how God's heart must ache for us his children as he watches the pain and sorrow in our life. He tells us that every tear that we cry He holds in his hand. I look at the love we have for our children and our parents and can't even fathom a love greater than that, but His love is abounding it is without word.....unexplainable, unimaginable. This morning as I got mom up off the couch to put her in her wheelchair she wrapped her arms around my neck....we danced for a moment, only really to stretch her legs...but it felt so good, so secure again just holding her. We both began to cry as she laid her head against my chest, I thought this must be what God feels when one of his children weeps and he holds them close and reminds us in Psalm 34:17 "the righteous cry out and I the Lord hear them; I will deliver you from all your troubles. I the Lord am close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in Spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but I the Lord deliver him from them all" I know deliverance will come and this season of life will have its time. Revelation 21: 4 reminds me that, He will wipe every tear away from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away. And he reminds us that He is making everything new!! I wander what goes through mom's head as she sleeps, does she dream or are her thoughts still. Does she feel his peace as I know His peace. What will she see as that time approaches will she be surrounded by angels, will the heavenly hosts sing as she makes her way home. Will her past family and friends be there waiting for her. God I know you are so good and I know that your loving arms are surrounding us right now. I feel you Lord. I feel you as a woman feels the warmth and strength of her loving husbands arms as he comes up behind her and encompasses her in the safety of his arms. Lord give my mom that peace. Lord wrap your arms around her, make your presense known to her during this difficult and scary period of her life. We look to you because all other loves are comprehensable but yours is far beyond our comprehension.

Am I Living the Cross of Christ

I wondered today if my life reflects all that Christ gave for me....I wondered if I was living the price that He paid to carry my cross. It was bad enough that He was beaten, broken, spat upon only to drag my cross of sin and shame to the top of that hill only to be hung upon it for something that He didn't even deserve. Where was I? Ahhh....yes, I was standing in the crowd with everyone else watching Him carry their cross as well. The load of that cross upon His shoulders had to be overwhelming for my sin alone let alone the sin of all mankind. Isaiah 53 had told about this man that God would send to carry our inadequacies. 53:11 After the suffering of His soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify MANY and He will BEAR their iniquites." I can't seem to get my small humanly hands around the fact that God would send His son, not just His son BUT HIS ONLY CHILD, only to be mocked, beaten, battered and bruised for me. Which brings my thoughts back to am I living the cross of Christ. Am I making the weight he carried worth the pain he endured for me. Would I lay down my life to complete His will for me. Will I carry the cross for someone that isn't strong enough today to carry the weight of their world on their shoulders, will I walk beside them and encourage them that the weight on their shoulders has already been lifted, Christ already carried it....there is now no need to weigh ourselves down with the weight of a sin that God has already forgiven. What I've really been thinking about is as mom enters her last hours, what can I say about my last years, my last days, my last hour....will it be said that "she glorified God to the very end." That they saw no burden that I carried BECAUSE it wasn't given to me to carry. God said give it to me....and I will make your burden light. I think today I'm going to start living more for the Cross that was carried for me. Ahhh.....I feel the weight already becoming lighter. Will you live for the Cross as well or will you have let Him carry YOUR cross in vain?

Is this your hand reaching for me or I reaching for you....

Through the tears that randomly come now my mind searches the past, the memories we have made with mom....I saw this picture in my mind of this hand reaching down. I'm not sure if its me that He reaches out too... our whether that outreached hand is reaching her way calling her name....beckoning her to come home. I heard this song this weeks that says that "I have unaswered prayers, I have trouble that I wish wasn't there. I have asked a thousand ways that you would take this pain away. I am trying to understand how to walk this weary land. To make straight the paths I find...oh Lord before these feet of mine." When my world is shaking I never leave your hands. When you walked upon the broken earth you healed the lost of hope. I know you hate to see me cry...one day you will set all things right. When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, when my heart is breaking I never leave your hands. Your hands are holding me....they still are holding me. I never leave your hands. I never leave your hands. JJ Heller "Your Hands"
Time flys by as I remember so well being that little girl that she used to guide along in life and now I hold her hand to cross those dangerous streets, when once she walked me to the bathroom I now take her cold, fragile hand in mine as I lead her to the bathroom. I know now why she used to sit and just watch me sleep, as now I sit and watch her sleep and its beauty to me. Lord I don't want to let her go....but I know you are finishing up her new home made especially for her and that everyone that she loved along the way already are awaiting her, my brother or sister that she never got to hold she will soon meet. Her father whom I watched her cry endless tears over as he passed away. Oh I remember the pain of that day for her so much. I remember where she sat and wept and the inability to console that place in her heart that her father held. Soon he will embrace her as will Her heavenly father. What will she see.......will it be a beautiful summer day....oh I think YES, the flowers will bloom with fragrances and colors I can only imagine. Even the trees will sing songs that we could only imagine. So mom.....Fly Away Home....Fly Away Home.....Fly Away Home. That hand is outreached for you, He's ready to take you home whenever you're ready to go. We love you so much mom and nothing will ever change that love. And we will see you soon.....as in Heaven it will seem like minutes to you before we arrive to join you. Fly Away Mom.....Fly Away Home.

Darkness and Light

The world seems so dark today, tears come and go so easily as I watch mom sleeping in her chair. Her body seems so lifeless now and only a shell of what it used to contain. I had this exact picture in my mind as I thought about this blog. We travel through a dark world so full of twists, turns, valleys and mountaintops but without the "Light" how do we really know which way to go. I'm reminded of Moses when God asked him to go to Pharoh and demand that Pharoh let God's people go and Moses saying "Oh Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue....Lord please send someone else." So many times I hear God beckoning for me to do public speaking but I have this innate fear of standing in front of people. All of my life I have been the behind the scenes type of person I love to make things happen.....not just make things happen but make things happen with such passion that the surroundings themselves speak directly to your soul. Approximately a year ago (coincidence...I don't know....but prior to my Lyme diagnosis) I felt God proding me to step out and speak more to women about their passion for not just being a Christian but being a TRUE CHRIST FOLLOWER...not just reading the word but living the word. I guess I kind have felt alot like Jonah in that I ran clear to Tarshesh to avoid speaking in front of people....are you kidding....my palms sweat, my heart beats out of my chest and I just know that I will make a big fool of myself. But yet I keep hearing God say NO-because it won't be you it will be me. Is it coincidence that in the past 10 months since my initial diagnosis that I have heard 3 different sermons on Jonah....what is the deal already.......can't these pastors find any other books of the bible besides Jonah. I'm scared Lord...so much of my security has been or is being taken away from me....my health, then my daughter leaving for college and now my mother. I feel weaker than I have ever felt before...but yet I feel stronger than I have ever known. I mark in my bible alot.....if you would see my bible you would see that it looks more like a road map that's gone astray than a book ordained by a great God. I even write dates in the margins that maybe on that particular day that verse spoke directly to me. In 2006 I marked next to Luke 22:31 "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back strengthen our brothers." I had wrote in my journal and asked God to sift me...to sift us....and to remove anything from us that was not of him. These last few years God has done just that he has taken the darkness and lit the path of light and directed us to go. To not turn to the left. To not turn to the right. But go where He directs. Father give me strength, my mind and my body need healing to lead me on this journey you have lit before me. Where you lead I will follow. I want to be your light in a dark world. Through all my darkest days you are my true light.