Watchman....

Gosh, I wanted to avoid this post like the plague. I can't believe a week has gone by since my last post. Where is the time going and why is it going so fast. I had to change my weekly post on the bathroom mirror. Each week I try to write something on our mirror that will be ever in our presence throughout the week. Reminding us of His power and His authority in our lives. Today's will be as simple as "Urgency." I keep hearing God say the time is urgent. It's been about 3 months ago now. I was trying to make sense of some of the scriptures I had heard at various times in my day. They were'nt scriptures that I was randomly thinking about. But in the midst of my daily activities I heard them clear as day. ALL of them are talking about end times events. Something no one wants to hear about let alone hear from God. My thoughts are/were why do you keep giving me these? Why do you keep leading me in this way? What purpose do I have in that? After talking to a friend and mentioning this she began praying for me. Ironically she said that she felt like God was saying I was to be a watchman. I'm sorry to say that I took her comment with a grain of salt. Didn't really think much more about it. Like what was a "watchman" supposed to mean anyway? But God in his sense of humor or perhaps in his sense of urgency, started leading me to all kinds of scriptures with watchman. Trust me I wasn't looking for them. I was laying in bed one night and I heard Ezekiel 33. Of course out of my curiosity I got up and opened my bible to Ezekiel 33, only to find that it is all about the watchman. And how the watchman will be held accountable if they do not do what God asks of them. YIKES. And then this sunday, please forgive me Tim. But as Tim was preaching out of John 10 he always gives us some context to go with the scripture that he is focusing on. As he began to read John 10 he got to verse 2 & 3 "The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice." That last verse jumped off the pages at me. I have read John time and time again. WHY had I never seen watchman before? Why now? I do feel His urgency, but really don't feel equipped to manage the call. In our flesh we are so afraid of being wrong that it often keeps us from stepping out and doing what God has asked. As I was doing my study in Esther for class this week. I read in chapter 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place BUT you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Nothing in me wants to be the fool. But everything in me says I have less to lose by being faithful to what I am hearing. Ezekiel 33: 6 "But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of ONE OF THEM that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood." I know that all God is asking me is to be the watchman to stand at the gate and OPEN the gate for Him to enter. There are so many lives at stake, their all dying from deadly diseases, cancer, AID's, strokes, heart attacks and viruses. And me being the medical person that I am seek to save their lives from all their medical issues. BUT yet there is a world dying without HOPE and yet I do nothing? Why do I fear rejection for merely trying to save their eternal life but have no qualms about saving their physical life? Help me Lord, I fail you so much. Speak....your servant is listening.

Ninty Nine Percent...

I was shocked...no, more amazed...perhaps appauled, at what I heard the other day. Ninty-nine percent of people polled when given the option of staying here or going to heaven, right now....said, they would chose to stay here! WHAT? Now, I am a nurse. I have dedicated my life to the betterment of others lives. And in that.... my duty, my obligation is to at all cost save your life, unless you have a document that specifically prohibts me from doing such. My worse fear came true, about a year ago. One of my favorite patients whom I had taken care of numerous times had told me of being ready to go home. As a matter of fact I was there as he filled out his living will instructing us to NOT bring him back to this world in event that his heart would stop. I had grown quite close to him, he had just turned ninty and he was a very young an energetic ninty, always so appreciative of his nurse help, always with a warm smile and something pleasant to say. I had learned in our many conversations that he and my grandfather had been playmates as children. Which made my connection with him ever more close. So you can imagine my horror when the ER calls a code one night. My shift was actually getting ready to end. I volunteered to go down and assist in the code. Most of you that have never been in a situation where someones heart stops and we begin resuscitation don't know that the abdomen often blows up very large due to our ventilations, the head and face can become so blue to purple the person is often unrecognizable. As a matter of fact in the rush of the moment and doing what comes natural I hadn't even noticed WHO we were actually working on. As someone in the ER says his name.....my hearts jumps in my chest....and I begin to tell them to STOP. He did not want this, he wanted to go peacefully into his saviors arms, he didn't want someone sticking tubes down him, beating on his chest, shocking him and sticking him with needles. NO ONE would stop. They wanted to see his paperwork saying such. I was horrified that this man I assured would not have to go through this was now being put through literal HELL. Finally one of his sons arrived and was able to get them to stop. Why do we fight so hard for this life? Why do we place SO much value on our earthly life? Do we fail to see...this is not what we were created for. We were created for relationship with God. We were created to dwell someday with him in paradise. Revelation 21 & 22 "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God. The wall was made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain. Everything will be made new." Does this really sound like something that we are willing to sacrifice for THIS life. Is this life of so much value to us that we will continue on with our pain, our suffering, our tears, our hardships, our days of uncertainty. I have a living will. I am only 38 years old. My nurse friends struggle with my decision. But I ask them, "if I was leaving for Jamaica tomorrow, would you try and stop me?," over and over again they say "No, way." I say to them "I am going to a place that is Jamaica TEN times over, don't stop me." Oh the day that I get to walk down those streets of gold and I get to gaze with wonder at water so clear that you have to touch it to make sure that it is even there. Don't get me wrong. I value what life God has given me here. I find such beauty in the things He has shown me thus far....but this life is not something that I cling to. On the day that I go home, I truly expect a party from those that I have left behind. If only I could give them just a glimpse of what I will be seeing. Oh what a glorious day that will be. I guess you could count me in the 1%.

Accountability as a Shepherd....

Don't usually post an image this large, but in order to see the fine detail of a single lost sheep, you almost have to look very close to see it. As I was studying yesterday my studies somehow led me to Ezekiel 33... Ezekiel 33 holds us very accountable as shepherds. I think we all would like to think that only our pastors will be held accountable as a shepherd....but in all reality as a Christ-follower we all have been appointed to shepherd the flock (the lost). And we too will be held accountable for what we do or do not...do. Ezekiel 34 says "woe to the Shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock?" It goes on to say in vs 5 "so they were scattered because there was no shepherd." As we see the signs of the times surrounding us, we should be ever more aggressive in tending to the sheep, but it seems the average church today fails so much in doing so. The verses in between are to convicting to us. Ezekiel 34: 3-4 says..."You eat the curds, clothe yourself with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally." The average church is so good at turning away the lost. I heard somewhere the other day that Ghandi actually had made a decision to turn his life over to Christianity from Buddhism but on the very night that he was going to do such....he entered the church ready to listen to the message and meet with the pastor after the service...but upon his entering the front door he was immediately informed that he was not welcome there because of his faith. WHAT did they know of his faith? They only knew what they assumed and by their assumption...Ghandi never came to a relationship with Christ. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that believes in the fact that we are all sinners saved by grace. We have nothing to offer but everything to give. We welcome those that have fallen, as we have been flat on our faces before...we know that pain too well. We embrace the brokenhearted...as our hearts to have been broken. We do not seek out an individuals sin....as it is not ours to judge, we embrace them for who they are in Christ...a sheep without a shepherd. As we go out today, may we see the urgency in the world, may we see the signs and may we not just see people may we see sheep....lost sheep looking for a shepherd. May we lead those very sheep to the rest of the flock. We will be held accountable for all the ones that we lose along the way. Help me Lord to see the sheep that you send my way.

How Great Is Our God!

After much discouragement about work situations and lack there of. I knew I had to give it over to God and get out of His way. He reminded me that his plan was to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. But I didn't see the picture that He was seeing. If only we could stand where He stands and see things unfold as He had planned. He takes us to the end of our means and then says...."Are you now ready for me to take over?" On Friday evening before we went to bed I had wrote in red lipstick on our bathroom mirror..."How Great Is Our God!" I wanted Him to know that despite what seemed like a desperate situation in our lives that I would continue to praise Him in the storm. After writing that we went to bed. For some reason I didn't go right to sleep and at 10:30 that very same night the first of many phone calls came in. And thus has begun over 50 hours of work since Saturday morning alone. It was Tuesday morning I believe when the hospital called yet again and asked me to come in and work. I stepped out of the shower to have Bill standing there pointing at the mirror saying, "you wrote that right, NOW, How Great Is Your God." He laughed as he said maybe you should have left off the exclamation point. I am so blessed by our God. He is Great....He has already done so much in our lives and so much in the lives of our family, that He could have done nothing more and I would still continue to praise Him. James 1 says to "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perservance must finish its work so that you may be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything. But James also goes on to say that we must believe when we ask and not doubt. I never doubted that God would provide.....but I just didn't know His timing and the blessings of His gift. The next years won't be easy in the world that we are now living in....but we need to hold strong in our faith and not lose heart. We indeed have a GREAT GOD!

A Royal Wedding.....

Its the anticipation of every woman....the day that she walks down the isle to the man she has waited her whole life for. The man that promises her, his devoted love. The day has long been awaited. Preparations have been taking place for months, the bride wants her bridegroom to never forget the essence of her beauty as the doors open and he takes his first look at his future wife. All stand and for that moment she has escaped into a fairy tale, as she walks that isle it couldn't be long enough for her to savor the moment or short enough for her to arrive there with him. Her bridegroom he so eloquent, he is a picture of perfection. In her eyes he is all that matters and all that exists.....for that moment.

We are that bride......Christ is the bridegroom. He has gone before us to prepare the wedding feast. I think of the day that he calls his bride home. I wonder how long that isle will be, will the rose petals be so thick that you can't even see the floor beneath them. Will the scent of roses fill the air. Will the music be BOLD, yet beautiful. Will there be resounding trumpets announcing the arrival of the bride to meet her bridegroom. He came as a servant and yet He still receives us with a servant heart. He doesn't make the wedding about Him.....He stands in silence at the end of the isle awaiting His lovely bride. He shows off the beauty of her grace that only He could provide, He shows off the brilliance of life in her....as only He could place there.

The feast has yet to begin....the wedding has yet to take place....but the bridegroom awaits. And the day will be the most beautiful wedding story ever told.

Accountablility....

Tim's message this morning really had me thinking. Point three in his "Put Me in Coach," series spoke of "our" accountability for our redemptive potential. God has a plan for each of our lives......a purpose if you will. We will be held accountable for the "purpose" or the "gift" that God has given us. I heard a pastor once say that he was so glad that God doesn't still speak in an audible voice. Can you imagine the accountability we would have in that. In Judges 6 God sends an angel to deliver His word to Gideon. The angel told Gideon, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." But Gideon said to the angel "if the Lord is with us, then why has all this happened to us?" The Lord then said to him to "go in the strength that you have, Am I not sending you!" Again Gideon questions God and the Lord told him "I will be with you."

We live in a tough world today....everything around us seems out of control. I find it hard some days to maintain focus...to NOT be conformed to this world....but be transformed by it. Romans 12. I think this is a crucial time to for Christ followers to draw close to God, to be in His word with more depth and more breadth. To ask.....and then take time to listen. His voice may not be audible....but I still hear it, I still feel it. And though everything else seems to be in chaos I know that He has it all worked out. I was listening to a pastor the other day that posed the question. What are you afraid of?.........The worst thing that could happen in your life is you could die. Or maybe that's not even the worst.....maybe that will be the best thing....heaven awaits us. So what are we worried about. And what substantiates our worry.

Now just in God's conversation with Gideon alone, I think I would have fell flat on my face. Wouldn't we all die to hear an audible word from our Lord. We wouldn't have to question whether it was him or whether it was us. We wouldn't wonder what His will was. HE SPOKE IT!!! They had no doubt what God wanted to accomplish in and through them. Now we have to have faith in what God is telling us. Why did they question God.....for Pete's sake.....there's an angel standing before them. What were they thinking......or what were they NOT thinking. I think that would hold me pretty accountable. Yet we are no less accountable today. But Lord I could sure use an angel.....if you got one to spare.

You Are My Strong Tower.....

It's been a rather down week for the past few weeks for me. Never in my career have I ever had trouble finding work. I have put in over 15 applications. And I seem to get no answers, or I hear we are working on it. Something that looks promising turns into a week of back and forth phone calls, that seems to have gotten me no further than when I first began. I find myself wandering how this will all work. I have to keep reminding myself that God works for the good of those who love him. I know He has a plan for me.....but our fleshly patience begins to wear thin. I continue to praise Him in this storm and I know that He has never abandoned me nor forsaken me. I know that his plan is to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. And that even when I don't see it He is working all around me. I see the stress of me not working is placing on my husband and his need to provide for his family and knowing that I can't lift this load. I keep laying it down at Jesus feet, but soon pick it back up again as fear and doubt creep back in. Lord help me. I do believe. I do trust that you will provide, help me to lay it at your feet and leave it there. I have no other choice. You Lord are my strong tower, even in these storms of life.

The Fragrance of a Father...

I remember having this dream....its been years ago now, but in my dream I was walking through fields of fragrant flowers. The colors were the most vivid colors I had ever seen. Each species of flower were in fields of there own....yellows, reds, vibrant purple and blues. It was as though I had just entered heaven. It was one of those dreams that was so peaceful, so breathtaking that you never wanted to wake up from. Fragrance does something to the senses. They say that our minds remember more from our sense of smell than any other sense that we have. I believe that. I think about some of my most favorite smells and the memories that they conjure up in me. Like the smell of my grandfathers pipe as I entered their house. The smell of fresh cut grass after a heavy dew. The smell of rain before it even begins. The smell of my husband as I hug him. I think that one really touches me the most, as it is the first thing that Morgan and I do when he gets home from work at night. We both give him a hug and his scent lingers. I recall my husband wrapping me in his arms one day and began to inhale deeply with his nose pressed to my neck. Of all the things that he has done in our marriage....for some reason this has meant the most to me. It was one of those inhalations that said I don't ever want to forget how you smell and I want to inhale so deeply so that your memory will linger forever. I wonder about heaven, what will it smell like, what will God smell like. In my imagination I think it will be much like that moment with my husband. I think that I will inhale so deeply that his scent will become so much a part of me. I can only imagine that His fragrance will be greater than any field of flowers, any fresh rain or any of my favorite smells.

God and GPS.....

You ever thought about God being alot like our GPS units. I wander what we ever did without it. Oh, yes....I remember now, it was called a map. Putting a finger here and putting a finger there and then figuring out the most appropriate route to get from point A to point B. Now everywhere we travel we have this obnoxious woman telling us to turn right here, or turn left. Sometimes I even wonder if she really has a clue at where she is taking us and how to get us there. I wonder how Gods GPS would look or what voice would he use. Maybe He would use the real cool british accent guy telling us to take the next right and take the motorway....doubtful though. Just like our GPS.....God has planned out our trip long before we even dreamt of taking one. Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Can you imagine the global positioning system that God has. He knew me before I was even born, He had plans for me even before He formed me. I can see a military strategy board and my peg is up there somewhere marked on a specific spot, for a specific moment, assigned to a specific task. My task if I accept to take it is to focus in on what God is telling me and the route that I should take to accomplish this task. Scripture tells us not to turn to the left or turn to the right. But so many times....I don't know about you...but I get afraid of taking any step just in case it happens to veer one way or another. Lord keep me on the right path . Now where is that lady telling me which way to go again. Maybe she's not so obnoxious after all...

Searching for Life In All The Wrong Places...

I find it funny how you can go into a book store and find isles and isles of self-help books. Books on how to find your life, how to keep your life, what direction to take with your life....and the list goes on and on. People pay counselors, psychiatrists, buy magazines...all searching for the purpose that they feel but can't seem to find. When the whole time scripture is choked full of EXACTLY God's plan for our lives. I think it is so amazing that I can read scripture and a certain scripture just jump off the page at me, but may not mean anything to someone else. I think the reason for that is that my calling...my purpose, is so different than yours. A scripture that speaks into your life may mean little to me. God has wrote a book that give direction to ALL. I wonder if people really new that their answers to all of life's questions were buried in their back yard wouldn't they stop everything they were doing, get out their shovel and start digging with such anticipation of what they would find....that nothing could stop them. Yet....we have that treasure. Our story is embedded in a book. It does require some digging...but when you find it....its like striking gold. It's better than any material wealth can provide. I am so excited to dig in and find more of my story wrote along side the great cloud of witnesses that have went before me.

Limited Perspective....

This morning was one of those epiphany moments. Waking up with a bad headache and sore throat I opted for the tylenol and an ice pack to head back to bed. I hate missing church...to me its like attempting to drive through the week on a tank thats half filled. So as I lay in bed I decide to try to find a service on the television that I can still get a message for this morning. Much to my surprise God gave me a message that wasn't delivered by any pastor, nor by any worship....as a matter of fact in spite of preaching and music. As I began to watch this church service I felt this overwhelming since of the fact that we do church....but do we really do church. WHAT? As I watched people worshiping, the pastor preaching and all the things of a typical sunday morning, I wandered what our weeks look like. We attend Church on Sunday, but what about the rest of our week. I felt this overwhelming since of the disciples giving up everything that they knew as real.....jobs, homes, families...to go OUT to the world preaching, teaching and baptizing in the name of Jesus. What are we doing during a typical week-in the name of Jesus. Most of us are tending to the everyday tasks of jobs, homemakers, husbands, wives, moms and dads. If we're doing church than why is there so many wandering around today looking for more. If we are living our faith why aren't they beating down our doors to ask us about what we have that they don't. Obviously, they aren't seeing much different in us than they see in themselves. I can tell somebody I go to church....but I would rather they look at me and say "there's just something different" and I want them to desire what I have. But I fail. I do church.....but all too often I fail to DO CHURCH. Lord, help me with my limited perspective. Help me to live everyday with a hope that only comes from you, a joy that only you can provide, a love that sees beyond my vision.....help me to live as if you really called me...because you have. Forgive my limited perspective.