Happy Mother's Day Mom...

Its so hard to believe a month has passed already...and boy was I sure not thinking that Mother's Day would land on the exact day that mom passed. Guess we both should have had better planning on that part. I haven't blogged in awhile as I am still trying to wrap my hands around these new feelings and emotions that are going on in me. Feelings and emotions that are not familiar to me, that I don't know what to do with. Bill told me the other day that it was kind of like getting married for the first time...a place of emotions and feelings that we had not experienced until after we married and we grew to love and know one another. Or kind of like the first time they lay that new baby in your arms and all these emotions well up inside of you....will I be everything that this little being needs, can I love unconditionally, can I be what all of a sudden is expected of me as..."mom." I've lost alot of people in my life....grandparents and great-grandparents, but this new feeling of letting my mom go has been one that I have found to be such a painful journey. I didn't realize all my mom was too me until she is no longer here...mom, friend, confidant, that ear to hear all that troubles me in life. I find myself listening for the phone to ring only to find that it doesn't ring anymore with mom's voice on the other end. I don't like tears, I like to celebrate the good things of life and to work past those issues that I cannot change in life. So to me these emotions and feelings are something new to work through. I guess time will begin to heal the heart....but I do believe that God created in each of us a special place in our hearts for mom that is never meant to be filled with anything but mom. So this mothers day mom...is going to be rough. But as I continue to work through the emotions of it all...you are never far from my thoughts nor my heart.