Darkness and Light

The world seems so dark today, tears come and go so easily as I watch mom sleeping in her chair. Her body seems so lifeless now and only a shell of what it used to contain. I had this exact picture in my mind as I thought about this blog. We travel through a dark world so full of twists, turns, valleys and mountaintops but without the "Light" how do we really know which way to go. I'm reminded of Moses when God asked him to go to Pharoh and demand that Pharoh let God's people go and Moses saying "Oh Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue....Lord please send someone else." So many times I hear God beckoning for me to do public speaking but I have this innate fear of standing in front of people. All of my life I have been the behind the scenes type of person I love to make things happen.....not just make things happen but make things happen with such passion that the surroundings themselves speak directly to your soul. Approximately a year ago (coincidence...I don't know....but prior to my Lyme diagnosis) I felt God proding me to step out and speak more to women about their passion for not just being a Christian but being a TRUE CHRIST FOLLOWER...not just reading the word but living the word. I guess I kind have felt alot like Jonah in that I ran clear to Tarshesh to avoid speaking in front of people....are you kidding....my palms sweat, my heart beats out of my chest and I just know that I will make a big fool of myself. But yet I keep hearing God say NO-because it won't be you it will be me. Is it coincidence that in the past 10 months since my initial diagnosis that I have heard 3 different sermons on Jonah....what is the deal already.......can't these pastors find any other books of the bible besides Jonah. I'm scared Lord...so much of my security has been or is being taken away from me....my health, then my daughter leaving for college and now my mother. I feel weaker than I have ever felt before...but yet I feel stronger than I have ever known. I mark in my bible alot.....if you would see my bible you would see that it looks more like a road map that's gone astray than a book ordained by a great God. I even write dates in the margins that maybe on that particular day that verse spoke directly to me. In 2006 I marked next to Luke 22:31 "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back strengthen our brothers." I had wrote in my journal and asked God to sift me...to sift us....and to remove anything from us that was not of him. These last few years God has done just that he has taken the darkness and lit the path of light and directed us to go. To not turn to the left. To not turn to the right. But go where He directs. Father give me strength, my mind and my body need healing to lead me on this journey you have lit before me. Where you lead I will follow. I want to be your light in a dark world. Through all my darkest days you are my true light.