Just Sitting Down in the Throne Room of God...

I was overwhelmed today by the presence of God as we celebrated mom's life. I can't help but be overwhelmed by God's presence every time I get a chance to worship. Well very seldom during a funeral do you get a chance to to worship, but much to my pleasant surprise our worship pastor played the new modern version of "It Is Well With My Soul." At first the song just played but then he had the words to the song up on the big screen and the words just started to come out and then as if I was hearing an echo those attending the funeral echoed the words behind me.....everything in me was busting at the seams....I just can't worship sitting down in my chair as if I was casually singing to the King of Kings. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and being in the front of the church I didn't want to draw attention but everything in me couldn't stand it anymore and I had to stand to my feet to worship a God that I am not worthy to SIT in the presence of. I like being in the back of the church. I like praising God knowing its just Him and I and no one is watching. I love my quiet time spent just listening for his voice. I so remember as a child attending church and seeing everyone sitting down singing in a dulldrom choir like monotone voice and at that time that was what I knew of church....but then as an adult I came to KNOW what a relationship was with Christ and just sitting and worshiping the way I had known as a child just didn't seem worthy enough of the most High God. So much in me wants to turn around and YELL to the whole congregation "if you were standing in Heaven right now and you were face to face with God, is this how you would be worshiping." YOU ARE!! Whether your in your car, in your house or standing in church God is before you. Worship with all of your heart. And when I am STANDING in the throne room of God worshiping with everyone else there.....I don't even know if I'll be STAND...I may be the one flat on the floor before my maker.

Redefined Life...

After mom passed Friday we called pastor Tim to let him know of her passing. Tim came out and sat with us until they came to take her away. After the undertaker left Tim took a moment to pray with my dad, Bill and I and something really hit me about his prayer for us he asked God to help us in this time of our life as we "redefine" our lives without mom in them. I had not really thought of that up until that point. I was living the day to day of caring for her needs moment by moment and had not thought of how life will function without her in it. It's taken a few days to reorganize life for dad and I we are still busy with tending to the preparations for family and friends to come and celebrate our lives and their lives that were spent with mom as wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, friend and co-worker. We know that the true realization of moms absence in our life has not really hit us yet....friends and family remind us that it really doesn't hit you for a few weeks after their passing. Moments come where the tears just flow and others are filled with such joy in knowing what her life is like now. I am beginning to see the redifining time. I've already picked up the phone and dialed her number to realize that there would be no answer on the other end. I've thought about future events and how the one person that I couldn't wait to share them with wouldn't be there.....Morgan getting engaged, Morgan's first baby, my life being lyme free, the selling of our business......As dad and I started going through some of her clothes I had this realization of how little value this life holds without salvation and the word of our testimony. What else do we leave behind....a pile of clothes, shoes, purses, make-up all of no value to her now. On her last days what did those things matter to her. What really mattered was that she had peace in knowing her Lord and that she would be spending an eternity in glory....what really mattered was the love that she left behind...what really mattered was nothing of this world. But all of an eternal value. Dad and I are redifining our life.....but one thing that will never have to be redefined is the love that we know of our father and the value of the only thing that really matters in the end....our story, our love, our legacy, and the word of our testimony.

A Life Well Lived and Well Loved.

I have been so blessed to be the daughter of one of the most amazing women I have known. Yesterday as mom was having a very rough time she had just vomited dark bile all over herself, the bed, the pillow and the floor. Dad and I proceeded to clean her up we laid her back down in the bed and I sat down beside her on the bed, as I sat her arm that was draped across her hip fell down in front of me her wedding ring slipped off her now so tiny hands and it fell right into my lap. What makes that story so ironic is that after mom was diagnosed we were driving along and mom said I want you to try my wedding rings on to see if they will need to be altered, they fit perfect......so as the ring feel into my lap and I place it upon my finger and I told her "mom, I have your ring on my finger" she nodded her head yes as if she understood. We all lay there with her as we couldn't detect a B/P and we just knew that her time was coming to a close for mom. I began stroking her now thinly face her cheekbones and jaw bones ever more prominent since she has lost so much weight. As I stroked her face I couldn't help but wonder if on the day that I was born that she was doing the very same thing, thinking about how beautiful to her was this little angel that she held and I lay there thinking the same as I held her. I figured it this way, she held me when I came into this world and I held her on her way out of this world. Mom's legacy of endearing love for her family and friends, her love of nature and her love of the father will live on as we continue where she left off. I will miss you terribly mom and I will have to constantly remind myself of where you are and the days that you are having. I can't imagine anything being more beautiful than the place that you stand right now.......and I know that we all will see you soon. There's not enough thank you's in the world to tell you how much you have made me the woman that I am today. Heaven rejoices mom. We rejoice mom, somedays through the tear, somedays through joy. But today is your day mom. I wish you could give me a glimpse of what your seeing right now.