The Call.....

I've taken awhile to write this because I struggle just as much with this as the next guy. As Christians we attend church on Sunday morning feel empowered by the message but yet fail as Christians throughout the week. In Matthew 16:24 Jesus said that "If anyone would come after me, HE MUST deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." If he really is Lord of my life wouldn't I give him ALL of my life. Many...almost all of the disciples died in service to Jesus. As I thought about what it is that holds us back it came kind of as a revolution that we are so afraid that God will call us and that the accountability to that calling will literally consume us and we will "die" to self. I wondered why we don't spend more time in scripture...is it because the more time we spend in the word we realize that All that God called were stretched beyond themselves and were asked by God to do things that we can't even fathom being asked to do. As we read His word we see that our purposes and our plans become so small to what He really has laid out for us. I had went to bed the other night at the usual time but as many times before I suddenly became wide awake. I came out to the couch grabbed my bible and opened to 1 John 2:20 "But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it. If you do a word study on anointing...it means chosen ones of God. We that have Jesus..have been anointed. He has chose us and we do know the truth. Also, as I was studying I came across Hebrews 10:38 "But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." Guess that holds us pretty accountable as Christ-followers to not only read His word but to live the word. What will we do with the calling upon our life? Will we continue to run from it or will we embrace by faith and allow God to do His will through us?

I Did Not Die On A Cross...For you to live a mediocre life!

Wow, did I struggle with what to use as the title to this blog entry. I saw a couple of things. One being the tight clenched fists of somebody trying desperately to hold on to something....for me....the ability to let go of my fear. But then I also saw the image of Christ hanging on the Cross and I heard him say....I DID NOT DIE ON A CROSS....FOR YOU TO LIVE A MEDIOCRE LIFE!! Forgive me Lord. Forgive me for so many times laying my doubts, my fears, my shortcomings at the foot of your cross...only to shortly return to pick them back up. We are so comfortable with what we know....yet what do we really know? Do I know what tomorrow really holds, what about next week, what about next month......what about a year from now? God is really stretching us right now as a family. He is reminding us that we really don't need to know....because HE knows. I so often play in my mind the "what if's" and then what's. Beth Moore taught in her study yesterday that Satan loves to use our "what if's" against us. He has no other leverage then the leverage we allow him to take. What if my child doesn't return home tomorrow, what if this is the last time I see my husband, what if I don't get that job that we so desperately need.....then What? God keeps asking....then what? I love Beth's answer because it so echoes mine. What if God!! What if.....then I....I would just fall apart. I don't know that I could get up. (God says...then what), well I would just lay in the floor and cry (then what), well I guess I would just have to lay there with my bible over my head (then what) well I guess I would have to get into your word for my strength (then what) OK Lord....then I would have to just get up and start ministering again. But Lord I don't know that I am strong enough. But I know that you use our weaknesses to show your strength.

I struggled with the title because I really saw "Gripped in Fear." I don't want to be afraid. I know that you are good and your love for me never wains for a minute. I know that I can trust that your plan is good even if its not the plan that I would have chosen. But it would be a lie for me to say that I'm not afraid of the future. Your word tells us over and over and over again to not fear..."Do not be afraid." I wonder why you said it so much. It makes me realize I'm not alone in my fear. That of all the things you repeated...this one was repeated the most. WHY?? Why when you have shown yourself time and time again to be faithful and true, do we question or doubt that you will carry us through the next challenge in our life? Help me to loosen my grip on Fear and instead of my fists being clenched may my hands be held out.....ready to receive your blessing. How could I ever think that I would even be able to accept it with my hands held tight in fists. My hands can only receive when they are open to receive. I am going to move forward knowing that you didn't hang on that cross in vain. WE.....WE were created for SUCH A TIME AS THIS. May NO fear stand in the way of the purpose that you have created me for.

Watchman....

Gosh, I wanted to avoid this post like the plague. I can't believe a week has gone by since my last post. Where is the time going and why is it going so fast. I had to change my weekly post on the bathroom mirror. Each week I try to write something on our mirror that will be ever in our presence throughout the week. Reminding us of His power and His authority in our lives. Today's will be as simple as "Urgency." I keep hearing God say the time is urgent. It's been about 3 months ago now. I was trying to make sense of some of the scriptures I had heard at various times in my day. They were'nt scriptures that I was randomly thinking about. But in the midst of my daily activities I heard them clear as day. ALL of them are talking about end times events. Something no one wants to hear about let alone hear from God. My thoughts are/were why do you keep giving me these? Why do you keep leading me in this way? What purpose do I have in that? After talking to a friend and mentioning this she began praying for me. Ironically she said that she felt like God was saying I was to be a watchman. I'm sorry to say that I took her comment with a grain of salt. Didn't really think much more about it. Like what was a "watchman" supposed to mean anyway? But God in his sense of humor or perhaps in his sense of urgency, started leading me to all kinds of scriptures with watchman. Trust me I wasn't looking for them. I was laying in bed one night and I heard Ezekiel 33. Of course out of my curiosity I got up and opened my bible to Ezekiel 33, only to find that it is all about the watchman. And how the watchman will be held accountable if they do not do what God asks of them. YIKES. And then this sunday, please forgive me Tim. But as Tim was preaching out of John 10 he always gives us some context to go with the scripture that he is focusing on. As he began to read John 10 he got to verse 2 & 3 "The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice." That last verse jumped off the pages at me. I have read John time and time again. WHY had I never seen watchman before? Why now? I do feel His urgency, but really don't feel equipped to manage the call. In our flesh we are so afraid of being wrong that it often keeps us from stepping out and doing what God has asked. As I was doing my study in Esther for class this week. I read in chapter 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place BUT you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Nothing in me wants to be the fool. But everything in me says I have less to lose by being faithful to what I am hearing. Ezekiel 33: 6 "But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of ONE OF THEM that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood." I know that all God is asking me is to be the watchman to stand at the gate and OPEN the gate for Him to enter. There are so many lives at stake, their all dying from deadly diseases, cancer, AID's, strokes, heart attacks and viruses. And me being the medical person that I am seek to save their lives from all their medical issues. BUT yet there is a world dying without HOPE and yet I do nothing? Why do I fear rejection for merely trying to save their eternal life but have no qualms about saving their physical life? Help me Lord, I fail you so much. Speak....your servant is listening.