Life...In Perfect Balance

I have decided that despite the negative circumstances of my health right now I would try to focus daily on what God wanted to teach me through all of this. Wednesday I found myself admitted to Barnes Jewish Hospital on Thursday I found myself curled up into the fetal position on a hospital bed while someone sticks an awful long needle into my back and this crystal clear fluid poors forth from my body. SOUNDS great huh. I mean the crystal clear part not the needle part. It was from this experience in my life that I learned that God created Life to be in a perfect balance. He created our bodies with just the right amont of heart, the proper amount of lung tissue, just the right size kidneys and oh by the way....a PERFECT BALANCE of cerebral spinal fluid....yeah the pretty crystal clear stuff. Well guess what without a perfect balance of cerebral spinal fluid the meningies that cover your brain sag down onto the brain and it seems as though they have lots of little nerve endings that create an awful excruciating headache when not left in its perfect balance. I have spent the last 2 days lying flat to avoid the seering pain of sitting or standing, along with the deafness in my left ear that also occurs with sitting or standing. But in all this I see it so clearly that is exactly how God wants us to understand HIM. He created us to live in His perfect balance and without him there seems to be just enough imbalance that pain starts to creep in, our lives are transformed from what we knew of them to now trying to figure out how to deal with this new presence of pain in our life.....look at a young 2 or 3 year old they run about with joy, laughter without a care in the world....the balance has not yet been broken in their lives and they know not of the pain that life ahead of them holds. But yet God offers us hope for the pain Matthew 16:20 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. you will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, BUT I will see you again and WILL rejoice and NO ONE will take away your joy. So for now I continue to seek that perfect balance of God in my life because without him.....I'm finding Life is one HUGE headache.For by letting Christ just seep out of your life in even the smallest ways can cause the most excruciating pain. AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD. Even in these dark painful days.

Into the Arms of Jesus

As mom and and I sat on the couch the other night she says to me "will you be with me up until the end." Without hesitation I told her that I would carry her into the threshold of Heaven and leave her in the arms of Jesus. Guess that probably would cover the end part. I only wish I could sneak a glimpse while I'm there. I have always been a very visionary type of person. I was gifted with the ability to see the outcome of a task even before I begin it, so as I read about Heaven I have this picture of streams that are so crystal clear, stones lining the bottom of the creek beds that one could only imagine the colors as we in our own eyes have never seen such radiance. I see streets that glimmer of gold, flowers that are so fragrant that I can't help but just stand there and breath in so deep to never forget the smell. A gentle warm breeze blowing and the leaves of the trees almost applauding with each wisp of wind. I see such a glow that I can't even bear to look up because the brightness is of something I have never before experienced. And oh yes, this cotton white robe that seems to flow mile upon mile as if it never ends. Its whiter than any white I have ever beheld~Isaiah 6:1 "and the train of his robe filled the temple." And we wonder and marvel at the sight of Spring. Wow. How will I even be able to stand there to lay her in his arms. On the other hand mom, I'll fall at the feet of Jesus with you in my arms. But we'll get you there.

Lost in a World that Won't Let Go...

Have you ever felt lost in a world that just won't let go. Having never felt the pressures of dying or facing my own death I can't say that I begin to understand what goes through ones mind, but as I watch my mom and I see how she clings so much to this world that offers us nothing. No hope, no promise of eternal life, no life without pain and suffering....I wonder why it is we cling so strongly to it. Do we cling to the known and fear the unknown, do we doubt what Christ has promised us....Life Eternal and Love that is unconditional have we traded the truth for a lie? God has promised eternal life and life that is far more abundant than anything we could have ever imagined yet we face death with such anxiety. I guess I find myself strange in many ways. I feel such a glimmer of hope inside, such a sense of peace in knowing that one day I will come face to face with my creator....a God that loves me not for the things I've accomplished, not for the beauty he see's as a father but only because he calls me his child. I think of how he must feel if our heart aches for the ones that have left us to go home, how much more does his heart ache for them to return to him, for he held them and cradled them in his arms long before we even imagined a life with them. God grant us peace at this time, give my mother the joy of knowing you are there waiting for her and that you will not let her suffer alone, that you will never leave her side nor will you ever forsake her.