The journey home...not much thought goes into the limited number of days we have ahead. Most of us get up everyday...go to our jobs, give our best efforts to run home and spend even more time meeting the demands of a household and things that need to be done. The reality of how short our journey really is hit me this week. I write this through alot of pain and alot of tears. The words are blurry as I write. But yet I have this sense of peace that is indescribable. This past week my mother was diagnosed with inoperable adenocarcinoma of the pancreas. As we sat with the doctor and I watched as he spoke so gently to my mother (the very same woman that bandaged all of my wounds as a child, that held me when I had my first broken heart as a teenager, that has walked every journey with me through life-good and bad) tell her that she only had 6-12 months to live and there was nothing they could do. I felt this overwhelming sense of numbness. How was I going to go on without the voice of my mother on the other end of the phone. How was I going to sit in church every Sunday knowing that she wasn't sitting there beside me. How was my dad going to go on knowing that the love of his life wasn't there beside him. How we view life so differently when we have been told it is now going to be brief. The things that seem to matter so much before seem so trivial right now. I wish there was some way I could describe to you the roller coaster of emotions that are running through my head. On one hand I am so excited for her. As she comes face to face with Jesus, I can only imagine the joy that her heart will feel, the beauty that will surround her and the family and friends that have gone before her awaiting her arrival. John talks about what he saw in Revelation about Heaven and its majestic beauty.Revelation 21:13 It shown with the glory of God and its brillance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. vs 18 The wall was made of jasper and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. 22:1 Then the angel showed be the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God.
I'm thinking that John couldn't even begin to describe its beauty because it is so far from our comprehension of beautiful. But as I see the love a daughter has for her mother and the love a mother has for her daughter. I think I get a glimpse of what heaven must be like.
Lord help us in these troubling times. Help us in the days that our hearts break for what we are losing but you are gaining. Help us to understand and see your excitement of her homecoming. I know that you Lord are preparing her a place right now. Your word tells me that you prepare a place for all of us. Bless us Lord in what we have left here with her. Fill us with the happy memories of the life that we got to share with her. You are so good Lord and I thank you for my mother. The very precious one that you hand picked just for me. THANK YOU LORD.
